fraggle trashin fashion part deux

thought id go ahead spice it up a lil for all yall non español gringo speaking folk...how you like me now fat boy...
(i would like to note that the views and possibly offensive contents here do not necessarily reflect the views of the author)
k
so i went off a little about fashion here, but i never really went into detail about the dark side of chilean fashion...
and dark it can be.

its a tough thing to even talk about. really. it hurts me.

well i told you they loooooooove the 80s, i believe i mentioned they looooooove grease? they do, i was in a club one time, and they didnt just play a song from Grease, they played, like THREE and im talkin IN A MOFUCKIN ROW
¿catchais?
k
so they also love Saturday Night Fever, Madonna even though she hella old and starting to resemble leather (dont get me wrong, i got respect, but she the one tonguing some kinda Britney Spears or was it her whitetrash counterpart, Christina Aguilera? not to go off but i gotta say, i kinda prefer la segunda, she cheap and slutty and she got some crazy synthetic ass hair...she a complete and total fuckin slut, and i like that about a girl..)lemme get back on topic.
talking about fashion. aight. cool. so they got this show here and its called ROJO, well its like a cross between star search american idol and big brother im a say...all kinda scantily clad singers and dancers sometimes they do big song and dance numbers, sometimes they do solo stuff, which is judged by the audience, and every week two people gotta compete, the one with the lower score has to leave..or somethin like that.....anyway. the other night im watchin a little ROJO, its been cool since they arrested this singer dude who used to be on the show for drug trafficking and then he came on again and apologized while they played sad music. anyway, the two people competing that night were doing, respectively..olivia newton jhon, and whatsisname, jhon travolta from Saturday night fever. so she comes out with a bunch a chicks all scantily clad but in workouty gear singin physical while they bend and stretch in .......
shiny bright blue spandex one peice short shorts long sleeves holes all down the sleeves and the body of they whateva ya call that shit, later described by one of the dancers as "desmasiado"
while homeboy comes out in his all white, pointy large collared shirt, jacket, shoes...and dances around like a fuckin disco maniac...
and the big dance numbers are crazy...they all wearing the tightest skimpiest shit they got, im talkin one girl, she gots skintight sparkly pants and a matching sparkly bra...and they dance heeeeeelaaaaaa scandalous. i mean i seen scandalful dancin but like, man this shit get scandalous...but the crazy thing is it gets all scandalful booty grindin ect in between jazz hands fully coordinated like 40 people dancing as one musical theater....i dunno man
but im tryin to talk about fashion and i aint got a lot a time cause im behind in my reading...(readin in spanish like pickin through cheap but obscure thrift stores, you find some great shit but it take you all fuckin day)
k
fashion, heres where im goin.
i cannot, will not, no...i refuse to be a party to, a silent yet complicitous part of a society in which it is ok, no..scratch that..in which it is a good thing to wear a tank top on top of a long sleeved shirt.
sorry.
but i gotta stick to my guns. the shirt in question btw is made of the same material that say...panty hose is made of..its skintight, often black but they aint no stoppin these folks from flashing turquiose and red and lime green and yellow...usually with a contrasting top ...
i can see im a have to get my camera out. because what you need to understand is that this aint no isolated incident, it happens all tha time!!!!! i mean, the other day i was telling somebody to kill me if i ever do such a thing and in the space it took me to articulate the sentiment, i passed TWO examples of such criminal fashion no no no please for the love of christ dont.
ahem
got ta clear my throat. then there is that matter of tights...now, i have said already what great tights they have...what i havent told you is that a love of unigue and interesting and colorful and 80s inspired wear can lead to some really fuckin ugly tights, like white ones with big black geometric designs so busy one is transfixed like a deer in headlights.
or that godawful shade of yellow that resembles nothing so much as radioactive baby diarrhea. red tights i think the world can do without...but thats one womans opinion...
in fact, the only tights im really diggin, are quite far in texture from the offenses im thinking of, those tights are very close in texture to pantyhose and theres a reason that pantyhose went the way of the corset, becoming something only identity searching for robertsmith lookalike preduringandpostteens would wear, or something that only emerges from the depths of the closet on halloween, for folsom street fair..ok you get my point i think. pantyhose are the work of the devil.
they roll wayyyyy the fuck up to here, way above waist, way above belly button, like nearly to the ribs these fuckers. the ankles and knees sag, then they cut in around that oh so sensitive inner thigh type a area...what the bloody fuck would inspire anyone to wear them i dont know....
that said, i like me some knit tights, and especially here where they are colorful and boast designs like stripes and polka dots....unfortunately those ones are mostly for small children, but i also like something a little thinner than a knit, thicker than the dreaded "colorful pantyhose" and with some kind of textured patterning, or fishnet sort of thing happening

i gotta wrap this up. here are some brief examples of the dark side of Chiles love of the 80s, musical theatre, bright colors, and i just dont know what makes people go for what has to be the worst offense of them all, thanks to LittleJen for pointing out


the cameltoe...
remember those jeans every girl who thought she was a cowboy but didnt live on a ranch used to wear in like, middle school... with the yoke in the front.
and then for a while everybody wore em and the yoke became almost but not quite a denim ruffle and surely it was at this point that somebody noticed that these pants with the tight high waist didnt really look so great on anybodys ass, made it look in fact like two balloons smushed together, and worse yet, created some serious fuckin cameltoe...lotta labia up in this bitch

the brightly colored solid plastic often shaped like an oversized button or bow hair accesory.
nuff said

the one long long to the shoulder im talking dangly earing, and on the other ear???
either nothing, or a stud.

variation of the above with one rather large hoop

i take it back about the cameltoe being the biggest fashion dont. im a have to say, really..the one they taking to extreme levels is, you guessed it, the mullet...also known as the shlong (short in the front and long in the back) this is the haircut that ruined my life when i was about nine and some neighbor girls decided to give me "bangs" that would "feather" and i looked like an ugly boy with a really bad haircut for like two years or some shit. my apologies to those who wear the oh so fashionable hipster mullet, i have met some of you who have come closer to changing my mind on this subject than i ever thought possible...however, i have to be true to myself..here, to finally wrap this shit up and do some gotdamn homework...is a short list of some the mullet variations to be found in Chile

the extra short curly haired hipster boy could almost be a fauxhawk grown out mullet
the one big nasty matted dread mullet
the several dreads but shaved on the side and long in the back mullet
the shaved on the side long in back held in place with bobby pins ON A DUDE mullet
the heeeeeeeeeeeellla long in the back shaved on the side braided into a tail mullet
and
the baby i kid you not im talkin in a stroller but full on fuckin mullet mullet

and with that my lovely audience, i must bid you adeux (hope thats how its spelled)