wells thith ith jutht great
my thtinking eth ith thticking on thith thtupid keyboard and i realized right on time to pretty much fuck up my own life completely that i have therioth feelingth for thith guy here, you know..
the one i told to go back to hith girl and he did and now i cant thee him cauthe it hurt but i mith him tho much cauthe thith wath my betht friend here and we already spent the day crying yethterdays and agreed that we thoudnt thee each other for a while.
and i cant fuckin deal.
like maybe if j hadnt also called to break up with me today...
so its all rathesr oh now i gest an s and thesy just wont stop comin...its all rather comical i think.
yesterday confessssssssssed my love for homeboy who has just returned to gf...
big fuckin messssss. hes all confused and has no idea what to do so we cried a bunch...
then we went to gay pride chile cause sposed to meet peeps and couldnt cry anymore...
and it was lovely. walked right into a crowd of dykes and i just started beaming...it was like, ok cool they are here i just dont see em most of the time...
then a bunch of chilean trannys appeared and i wanted to cry with joy reminded me of home so much...so we marched and had a great time and then nacho and i went home but stopped to get sad again in the metro fuckin hurt dont know why so much +
...and then decided to get an ice cream on the way home cause why not and smoked last newport after that and then had to say goodbye for who knows how long right cause there are all these wonderful reasons why i cant love this kid so now i just need to fucking convince myself that i dont...
and i need space to do it, unlucky for me he lives three blocks away...and then today j called and said we cant be in a re from this far even if we kid ourselves that its an open whatev..
so i have officially been dumped twice in two days, have two papers due and a huge test next week and cant fuckin think about anything cant read cant eat...
fucked up bigtime here in good ole santiago...
oh man.....and now this crap with the fuckin s
the one i told to go back to hith girl and he did and now i cant thee him cauthe it hurt but i mith him tho much cauthe thith wath my betht friend here and we already spent the day crying yethterdays and agreed that we thoudnt thee each other for a while.
and i cant fuckin deal.
like maybe if j hadnt also called to break up with me today...
so its all rathesr oh now i gest an s and thesy just wont stop comin...its all rather comical i think.
yesterday confessssssssssed my love for homeboy who has just returned to gf...
big fuckin messssss. hes all confused and has no idea what to do so we cried a bunch...
then we went to gay pride chile cause sposed to meet peeps and couldnt cry anymore...
and it was lovely. walked right into a crowd of dykes and i just started beaming...it was like, ok cool they are here i just dont see em most of the time...
then a bunch of chilean trannys appeared and i wanted to cry with joy reminded me of home so much...so we marched and had a great time and then nacho and i went home but stopped to get sad again in the metro fuckin hurt dont know why so much +
...and then decided to get an ice cream on the way home cause why not and smoked last newport after that and then had to say goodbye for who knows how long right cause there are all these wonderful reasons why i cant love this kid so now i just need to fucking convince myself that i dont...
and i need space to do it, unlucky for me he lives three blocks away...and then today j called and said we cant be in a re from this far even if we kid ourselves that its an open whatev..
so i have officially been dumped twice in two days, have two papers due and a huge test next week and cant fuckin think about anything cant read cant eat...
fucked up bigtime here in good ole santiago...
oh man.....and now this crap with the fuckin s
posted by Rachel R. @ 3:00 PM
5 Comments:
At 2:09 PM,
Jennifer said…
um. wow.
that ole S will getcha every time...
At 8:55 AM,
Jeff Pollet said…
Well, I'm not sure what 'we've got ourselves a sequel' refers to (by wes), or even what the 's' is (my ignorance knows no bounds, sometimes), but I'd have to say as a person dealing with heartbreak (if in a slightly different way): Fuck people who call falling in love and being dumped soap opera drama. Falling in love, falling out of love--that is *part* of growth, in my opinion. Sadness certainly isn't the most fun way to grow, but it's a necessary component of some types of growth. And just because you're in chile doesn't mean you're not a person who loves and has sex and...can cry and be broken-hearted.
So, while refocusing on school might help ya get through the heartbreak-y stuff, I think it's just as important to recognize that what you're going through is real and true and you'll grow from it just as much as you will from learning spanish and being in another country.
This from the guy who speaks one language and has never left the US; so, grains of salt all around, if appropriate.
At 9:56 AM,
Rachel R. said…
thanks jeff. and westefer you know i love you but you happen to be an emotional retard. this is not a sequal. i dont think you get it that i have lived drama free since that fateful summer when my much younger ass needed to grow up and had to follow my heart to do it even if it meant making a mess and i am truly sosorry that it was so painful and ugly but i truly believe everyone involved is better off...cause you know what? this might not be a mess if i had just admitted what i felt earlier instead of trying to make sense, when are you gonna get it, sense just doesnt make any fuckin sense!!! what if thats why nacho and i met, to love each other for a minute even if it fucks our lives up cause you know what utah says, you got to mess with people, they just sink into this cryonic torpor...theres a reason i had to come here and it has a lot to do with studying and stuff like that but you know damn well i always sucked at shakin and movin on...and obviously the stuff with j was bound to happen, and who knows what happens when i come back..sorry to be so rough but the time when you could talk down to me is long over..i love you, i really do..or i woulda blasted yer ass fer that...but next time please try to keep in mind that we each have our own way of existing in the world, mine is letting it in and feeling it and sometimes that makes a big mess...whatcha gonna fuckin do? stay in a safe place and keep on keeping on? not my fuckin scene baby and you already know it.
At 11:03 AM,
Jeff Pollet said…
"sorry to be so rough but the time when you could talk down to me is long over.."
Amen.
I'm butting in here, and I know it; mostly because I obviously don't have the backstory, but I just want to say that there's a big difference between a friend saying something like, "Do you think this is a sequel? Isn't it like that other situation?" and "What are you doing?!!" The former is a question that is probably framed from concern for a friend. The latter is browbeating.
Ok. Rant over.
At 3:12 PM,
Jennifer said…
here here, ra.
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