la ultima noche

a strange configuration of events has brought me to this blog.

an email from j that said hes so glad im coming home even if it means i have to leave my beloved Chile. i almost laughed, i have been a homesick complainer for months now. then i realized he was right. i do have to leave my beloved Chile. I loved this place before i came,from Ariel Dorfmans and Isabel Allendes descriptions and stories about sal poetry of Parra Neruda and Mistral and certainly that dim conception i had was nothing really on what i found here. i loved it just the same.

a second email from Cait said maybe things would seem different in retrospect. that perhaps the feeling of being an alien would fade...that i would find id already located what i came to find. or something like that. as usual she was right..

despite the flurry of preparation weighing of books writing of final papers i found that the dim light turned a deeper gold in the afternoon, that the lovely honey colored dark eyes of a truly lovely people gleamed at me from the dim wintry light..that the little rosy faces of cherubic exquisitely beautiful babies, the lined and wrinkled faces of viejitos the gleamy rosy cheeked men the girls with thick coarse ponytails like a horses mane hanging down the little muppety punked out schoolkids, all became more lovely as i mentally prepared to leave.

that despite all my bitching i fucking loved this place from the very moment my eyes tried to take in the immensity of cordillera fencing me in..

ayer un hombre entro en la micro cantando y tocando guitarra stomping his feet and laughing while people clapped in tune y casi me puso llorar porque nadie canta en los buses en mi cuidad..

and so here at long last is the list of things i will miss.

la gente. que verdaderamente es bellisima. la manera en que habla. castellano con tonos como cancion. the absurdity that is chilean spanish. porque yo me aprendi a hablar aqui. hay algo en el tono de voz que usa especificamente aqui. algo que siempre me suena, me acostumbro a eso y ahora lo voy a extrañar.

las guaguitas bellas

los viejitos

the colors of houses and shops and schools in turquiose and yellow and green ...
being swallowed by an immense sky framed by the mountains..
the golden late afternoon light.
the faces of the people here, that element like a common thread of similarity in dark eyes and dark hair and slight slant to the almond eyes.
the way they speak
the way they dress
when old women call me hija
when men open doors
kissing on the cheek
my house
my girls
nacho1
alicia ash lesh monkey cait rhea thania and leo robert and the other leo..
el frickin turbo, claudio, mono, daniella daniella and the other daniella. the hot bros and thier superadorable dad don pedro. little ridic big ridic, turbos dog, my puto gringo roomate, my adorable brasilero leo. the program kids. letras. the big statue of batman. my adorable teachers, natalia and cristian especially..nacho2 augustin daniel and the other daniel
pisco sour
leche asada
galletas
the way the trees arch into the sky
the city streets at night all splashes of red brakelights
chilean pants
chilean boots
chilean slang
chile.
i miss you already. thank you for letting me come and being so patient with my slow clumsy tongue and teaching me to listen and read and to speak.

a year is a long long time.
and not very much time at all.