fuckin pedro

sooooooooooooo once again i am fuckin fuckin tired and seriously fucked up cause i stayed up waaaaaaay too late reading pedro páramo...which i got ahold of last week but didnt have time to read cause i was busy rereading rayuela and studying for other classessss...so how it went down was like, all this time up in my narrativa class i been like damn what the hell went down in pedro en español cause i got that part about kickin it in comala but otherwise my ass lost and in need of a fuckin translation cause what am i nuts i cant read fuckin novels in spanish...maybe if thats all i had to do...so along with the rest of the gringa contingent in that class my ass been pediring translations and waiting for the mail..ok so anyway i got through that and rayuela (puleeese ima read that shit in spanish? who am i kidding?)but then this other novel never came through so we had this in class essay business today where im tired as fuck can barely think in frickin engles and haveto write two short essays on rayuela thank god ive read it twice cause the first time it flew right over my head...and good ole pedro which was aight...but the question about el astillero, the book i never read in any language...well i just made some shit up..i was like, um yeah it was really cold and the exterior world was an allegory for the interior world and uh homeboy was uh, condemned...yeah, and it was really cold....
so that sucked...
ok
drama update for the peeps on the edge of they seats...
its not so bad anymore..
i think for all of us involved there are just so many different factors, like for me there is of course the adorable kid who i really do love,he is just so gotdam funny and smart..
i mean, hes my favorite person in this country and someone i really connect with...
but theres also all this stuff about missing j and my people and being alone and feeling alone and everyone stares at me but nobody touches me all mixed up in it..
and then, i tend to get dramatic...
saw the kid i think tues night when we both happened to be taking a walk in the park at midnight, and it was cool...theres also this stuff about being rejected, i mean, nobody likes that, it pretty much just sucks...so whatever it isnt such a huge deal i think we can just kick it, hes soooo adorable, its hard to decide wether to tuck him in with a teddy or hold him down and fuck him hard...im tryin to lean toward the former since the latter is not a possibility...
but whatevs its cool...
the sucky thing is that as that drama wanes i can only credit jeremias with this chasm that opens up in my chest sometimes, like when im way too tired and my caffienne wears off..
yall know i am some melodramatic overemotional bitch but the fact is that here everything is exagerrated somehow. like if a clerk is mean to me at home i might wanna cry for a sec, here i just completely will...i walk around all the time trying not to be an imperialist yankee dork...and often fail miserably...
gotta say i really appreciate my housemates right now too, maca and lesha are really great girls who are down to talk about all this shit, sometimes in spanish sometimes not...its funny how when you are really up in something you pretty much gotta do it in yer own language...
and i dont just mean that its easier to explain things or that my spanish sucks, its the same with people who speak really well, like when its really some intense shit maca switches to spanish, like she feels in español if you catchai...
anyhoo
its finally friday gracias a dios and if i can make it through yoga with diaper pants man ima take a fuckin nap and then im going out dancing
wooooooooooo
with my roomies and some other kids, hitting a reggae club cause lesha really wants to go there so even though i wd prefer salsa or even reggetón i just wanna dance, have these fuckin cute new pants that i got like a 2weeks ago that look hella good and they beggin to go out dancin...
plus, lemme just say, reggae aint my favorite thing in the world but i love me some dready boys, pickins are pretty slim around here i think bc there is no black population,
i mean literally i have seen less than a dozen black people since i got here and its one of the things i really miss about the states which i consider a country heavily influenced by its black population, i mean diversity in general i miss...
there are small communities of korean, chinese, and israeli people here, plus some peruanos and then everybody chilean...
i mean..that includes some diversity in itself since there tends to be marked divides between people with more euro and people with more indigenous roots but basically everbody mixed to some degree...
anyway im saying that i think thats the reason that although they plenty of chilean dreads, the majority are some nasty dooky shit dreads... no me gusta...
i dunno if its just like, that aint the best type of hair to dread, although ive seen lovely dreads on philipinos y indian people...but they did tend to be people with slightly curlier thicker hair...
or if its like, these bitches aint seen some good dreads...
or they aint none of those salons that work it out for you...although you all know that personally i wouldnt hit a frickin salon to work out my shit, its kinda nuts...i think my hair is kinda like a chia pet and its important that i do it myself...ok
sleeeeeeeeepy
tengo sueñooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
point. i had one. oh yeah. dready boys...they bound to be better dreads and plenty of em up in some reggae establishment yes?
k
tired
ciao