sap

woke with heavy heart heavy aching breasts
image of you golden gently slipping tip of nipple between soft lips
dim ghost in a cold room
feeling numb and stupid
why did i ever let you under my skin
fighting soft sway
continual pull of gravity of magnetism of
your smell your hair your skin
your small broad hands your thumb on the flesh of my lower lip
this flash melts me liquid bloated with unshed tears
crouched in my perch far beneath the cordillera
trying to crystallize
i become more solid daily
long night walks trying not to search for you in every face
returning like a criminal to the scene of the crime
a desperate measure
a calculated risk
i milk this desolation sorrow sap from my veins
trying to let it flow out and be gone
i should never have looked for you that night
you should never have been there for me to find
i should have curled fetal into a ball at your feet
i should never have cried
or should never have stopped
feel so foolish
girl
lost woman child
this will be a tough day