Gringa Sola part II

spinning dizzy
running wild
like a cartoon character stepping off a cliff into empty air
instinctively holding very still
solid
dont look down
chasm that opens inside my chest
trying to avoid that and myself
avoid that stare walk through my profile in the cool night air
approach and swerve
im a coward
im scared
hands clenched into fists
body rigid
holding steady
useless evasions
a series of manuevers designed to avoid feeling how i feel instead of just letting go and letting it flow through me
im afraid
that its bigger than i am
that i could break on these waters my feet dont touch ground
so many flaws
chipping away at the facade i would like to portray
grow up he says and deal with it
easy for him to say
one enormous game of keep away keeping me from noticing how i am
fractured sandstone shift
center cannot hold
fragmented rupture shards facets gleam
blue shadows light the way
stubbed toe on cold stone stair
brushing teeth in the dim light
looming lurking
getting ready for bed