the bright white light of what happens next

i know many of my faithful audience of like two people are wondering where the hell is this chick, what the fuck happens next

well ill tell you. my bro asked the fam to come out to the welcome home and out of nowhere we had this huge family conference and started dealing with some of the issues that put the fun in disfunctional up in my fam. then thier car needed repairs and js bday trip to the river got cancelled and v and i decided to keep my sister kate for another week..

so that was my first week back and it was amazing exhausting and strange, the mouse(kate) had just turned 15 but somehow in all the bustle last year of preparation to leave i had not noticed just how grown she was getting and this year literally was shocked to find such a lovely aware confident intelligent beautiful and taller than me young woman had taken my baby sisters place

i remember the first time my mom and i talked as two adults, well thats what this was, and we had lots and lots of stuff to talk about and work through in terms of our re...so oddly enough my readjustment to this country took backseat to emotional communicative needs with my family..

but it wasnt all intense and serious, we also had a lot of fun laughing and going out to the movies and walking around my city which dazzled me anew with her brilliant gleaming multicolored hues, visiting muir woods to commune with cali trees bigger than any others and green green green..

at the end of the week we three tripped to reno to devolver kate and stayed the night in a hotel which was silly and cheesy and fun, we dressed for dinner and swam in the pool and i got to see my other sister when we dropped off kate..

i dont know how to explain it, its strange but over there so far from all that i love i came to the conclusion that families can break but they can also be put back together with some consciousness and intention and hard work...

and i had to apply that to my family here, kermit and marty cheets victoria and especially j.

so its been hectic and crazy looking for a job and a home and j and i went back to couples counseling to try and figure out how to remake our partnership anew and last night we had a real breakthrough on our date, he took me to holistica!

where we watched performances, bid on the enormous dreamcatchers spinning from the cieling, chatted and ate veggies and hummus and pita bread and crunchy soy chips drank beer looked at art and then finally danced spinning from individual movement silliness to whole group improvisational inspirational californificated madness of foot stomp in rhythm hands pounding on floor to lofty lightness of flighty wirl through banners that read Dream! Envision! Embody!

and one very tall man jumped about chanting in tune with the music what would you do what would you do what would you do and i said if you couldnt dance? and he said with a wild grin well i guess youd just move right? and he did and so did the
gothy redhead and the adorable girl who studies circus arts and moves so light on those delicate feet and the thicker girl with afro haitain and modern manuevers so solidly in herself and the old gent jumpin and the grey haired lady giggling and the lady with the huge grin and the glasses wearing guy all of us spinning leaping laughing and landing heavy or light reaching for that hanging ring from the cieling always so high but if you jump float spin just in reach