so here is the sitchy

what we got here is an evolving housemate sitiation. well my girls have basically checked out, lesh married the monkey and moved in with him and his monkey bros and ash is spending all her free time with nico which makes sense cause shes abt to leave...i have two girl chilean roomates but they are also mia much of the time so that leaves me, two chilean boys, the gringo and the brazilian...

the chileans spend most of their time studying cause they are in law school and ill equipped to deal with social situations, seriously they act really really young and stressed out most of the time. one of them will kick it a little depending on how good his mood is but the general atmosphere is basically me and a bunch of dudes..

now i know i have mentioned this before but the thing is that its been changing slowly, to the point where im actually pretty cool with the north carolinian and we have had many intense convos working out the kinks and slowly learning to trust each other and how to deal with the basic facts of being almost opposite in so many ways. its cool though now cause weve really learned how to not offend each other all the time and have a pretty freindly re. same with the brazilian. the two of them basically poke fun at me and treat me like a kid sister or something...which is fun for me except when they throw me at each other or give me wet willys...

so weve all become pretty affectionate and comfortable with each other to the point where sometimes i will curl up on the couch and cuddle with one of em or crawl in bed saturday morning to cuddle before going to look for food in the cold cold kitchen...and thats how i ended up in a victoria of old sort of drama....

the brazilian is super cute and cuddly and fun loving and affectionate, kinda biggish and furry and chubby basically a teddy bear of a guy who is always surrounded by girls cause he likes hanging out with girls, hes super cuddly and kinda flirty and that my dear friends is how things went a little too far...despite all this he has a very serious gf in brazil to whom he is attempting to maintain some sort of fidelity...

so what happened is at some point in all this huggy cuddly little kisses on the cheek things started feeling very borderline...the thing is hes genuinely sweet and nice and being flirty is just part of his personality, unfortunately for all involved its also part of mine. things started harmless enough with goodnight hugs and one time i woke up when the boys came home drunk and leo (el brazilero) picked me up and carried me back to bed and tucked me in with sal and asked if i wanted a glass of water or cereal or some pizzapan (a gringo invention as gross as it sounds it involves bread ketchup and cheese) kissed me good night and left..and theres pretty much nothing sweeter than that right?

so things were all right but it started becoming clear that there was this undercurrent of energy between us beneath all the friendly roomy stuff...well what happened is we fell asleep cuddling and woke in the middle of the night and im not sure who started it but somebody kissed somebody and this was no friendly roomy kiss...and this kinda lasted a few mins or so and then we were both like whoah this isnt sposed to happen.. anyway it isnt a big deal we both said sorry and decided its better that we each sleep in our own bed...

but i broke not one but two cardinal rules. dont shit where you eat and dont kiss boys who have girlfriends, but gotdamit why do they keep kissing me? anyway its a very situational thing i think he and i both have people far far away that we love and want to be with and then theres us here and now...obviously dif for me cause im not in some kinda committed whatev...but with a month and a half left here and a burny itchy rash covering my chest it seems doubtful i will be getting some in this country...which is whatev. frustrating. lonely. probably for the best.

so there you have it.