we put the fun back in funeral

i meant to tell yall about last weekend. a good friend of mine had been going through some tough times with her grams in the hospital with caner. we all knew she didnt have much time so last week k and i werent surprised to see s no longer at her post as queen of jewish studies..

we checked email and found a notice of gram departure and made plans to go to the wake, i was to bring nitrous while k would tote a bottle of vodka..

the wake was scheduled for thursday and on the day in question we had all planned accordingly only to be told that due to double booking at duggans the wake would now be friday, and the funeral would be on saturday. k cursed goddamit i have to work and i said fuck i have tickets to a show...we just wanted to go to the wake, but no cigar...quickly a new plan was hatched in which i would accompanied by j, hit the funeral saturday morning.

so saturday night we headed out to dresden dolls which the man of cheets was working and thus hooked our asses up with a table all reserved and plenty of free booze...it was awesome! there we were perched at our little table above the mob jostling for position on the floor. it was a great show and we were all righteously trashed by the end when we headed for cheets to drink and suck down some hippy crack, j and i having decided it would be inapropriate to bring it to the funeral...

so we basically got pretty fucked up and i dont even remember climbing the hill between cheetah and js den but somehow we did only we overslept so that when we woke groggy and hungover it was already getting on toward time to go, i leapt out of bed yelling funeral we gotta go and found my only dress was in js car still prepared for the earlier plan to hit the wake , j ran to get it while i ran the shower and we managed to leave the house in record time.

we raced along empty sat morning streets to duggans in colma, where i realized i couldnt remember grams name, i picked the one that sounded familiar and asked after s, the attendants were unsure until i said shes the grandaughter and really tall and then they were like yes right through here, well these hungover coffeeless fools arrived truly in the nick of time, they began just as we slid into our seats...

and man was it sad. just knowing how close s and grams were was enough to get me worked up and then they start with all the preachifying and whatnot...man funerals are fucking sad and i know thats the point but man!!! they are so fucking sad!!!
so at the end we were supposed to pass the body and i was like j i cant ive never seen anybody dead (i think i went to a funeral when i was real small but i hardly remember and i never got to go to my own beloved grams funeral) so j said its important, come on ill hold yer hand...

and that shit was fucking intense, she was such a beautitul woman and i know thats a wacky thing to be moved by but it made me think about old folks and how amazing they are like they know so much and dont take any guff so anyway im bawling by the time we get the hell oughtta there and i dont even know if its a brief glance from s with red rimmed eyes or that very fact that i never really went to a funeral or whatever...

so we get into the car and js like yay we get to be in the procession and then where is the procession, i say follow that old lady shes going to the cemetary so we tail this old woman who was at the funeral while she loops around and drops another old lady off at home and probably begins to wonder why we are following her...

then we spot the procession just as j realizes hes nearly out of gas so i suggest we get gas and coffee and reunite at the reception, which we do but then s isnt there and she calls me to say, man you missed the bagpipes not a fucking dry eye in the house.

so then j and i head for a crepe place where i proceed to cry in my eggs for a bit, then i eat them.

ESTROGEN!!!!!

so im having fun on the new birth control...

its a ring, only it doesnt go on yr finger kids...
and it took a little while for all of my happy flooded with hoooormones syptoms to kick in but im happy to report they are now in full force...

i am irritated, angry, enraged, horny, irritated, dry and itchy(once again not my finger), bloated or crying...all the fuckin time..

took me a while to catchai, at first i just thought the world was particularly moving...little animals, people on the bus...i just thought i was somehow catching sight of particularly poignant moments when in reality i was just slowly filling up with estrogen and slowly slopping over my own edges..

it was when i brought some aptos kids to see "akila and the bee" and cried several times (can we get popcorn now, shhhh, she looooves her dead dad! popcorn, cant we get some more popcorn were dying!!! silence you irreverant twerps!!! do you not see this beautifully supportive community!!!)
well anyway you get the picture..

one night while i was sleeping j started giggling in his sleep and wouldnt shutup when i said shh and started to tell me why his dream was so funny but it didnt sound funny at all to me and i kept telling him to be quiet and he wouldnt and i got so mad i bit him, on the upper thigh...he wasnt really happy about that...

then theres the absurd bloating where if im not angry, irritated or crying i probably will be soon because of being such a big fat whale of a woman whose upper half gloops down over her lower half.....ive taken to wearing tights under my pants cause i just need some kinda control of the apparently endless bloating of my middle..

i mean i always had a temper but lately its oughtta control... today fer instance i was walkin and i smelled something funny like burning bbq maybe and it seriously annoyed the shit oughtta me, as did the very walk itself as i couldnt believe it took so fuckin long to get to a bus stop from js new place even though i was talking on the phone with cheets the whole time but my phone was annoying the shit out of me too, the volume is all wierd like too loud or too quiet and never just right...i actually call people just to adjust the volume sometimes...not you cheets my brother i mean.....

anyway so j wanted to go out tonight but i felt like lazing about all fat and irritated in my jammies so thats exactly what im gonna do...which is probably best since he has begun to laugh at me when i cry and say things like whats wrong now your not fat again are you? which isnt terribly helpful but then nothing really is...i just hope it all settles down soon, i cant take much more of the drama...

ah the weekend

so cheets about to blow the whistle on my love for nitrous oxide...

we had a lil housewarming here at the j place which was lovely but then we got us up early the next day as he had volunteered for castro street fair and i had homework to do...

then i remembered about the ill fated kermit move happenin that very day...

i was already hung over and sleep deprived and cranky..

not a good way to begin.

this was definitely one of those head down and go sorta days, and it was a sunday too which is my official homework day when i lug the heavy jew books to my study group which migrates from the coffee shop to the bar across the street talking sefirot and halakah the whole way but i couldnt go on this day instead i had to move.

now you all know i moved the 1st of september and j the 1st and the 15th, sublet then actual place so i am fucking moved out already when we begin the two part move cause some stuff is at the dollhouse and some at stevens and js...

the uhaul rental is all fucked up and disorganized cause thats how kermit like to do so j borrows a van from his friend and we go for burritos and coffee and begin....

well we got it done and whatev hes settled into his place in the richmond, his new paint job quite nice all bright orange and blue but the place itslef not that exciting sorta dark with bob posters but kermel goes for that look so whatev..

i start teh week exhausted and behind in homework but miraculously make it to my stinking science class where we looked at plants by lake merced...then have to deal with minor family emergencies for a few days one being that kate doesnt have the money for a fee for her books at school cause padres havent coughed it up and its october, dads out of work and shes about to fail a class..

i nearly have a fit on this cause the fuckin fee is like 20 bucks and seriously if you cant come up with a twomp extra over the course of three months you aint fuckin trying...so i send that cash asap and set up a kiddy credit card for kate cause i cant set up a bank acct for her caus she 15 but its cool i put cash on the card and she use it wherever visa is accepted, so strangely i feel so much better and more in control after this that even my budget woes which amounted to i cant buy these lovely yellow flowered cowboy boots are now in perspective again....

but i tell you what, im fuckin done...anyone else needs to move i say good luck and hire some fuckin dudes...

ra and j

whew...

so its definitely been a tough week for fraggle. ive been trying to get to this stinking science class i have to take and had missed the very first lab, last week i got on a bus late and was sleepily confused to find that what left van ness as an m had transformed into a j so that i woke a little to think hey why am i on church? well the same shit happened this week, i hop on an m im sleepy and running late but its crucial that i get there, i need to take this dumb ass science class well what happens but my m turns into a k and i sleepily wonder why god doesnt want me to be in a science lab..

but i made it anyway and saw some chloroplasts and plant cells and shit...when i described cell structures as little dudes the teacher insisted that such a term doesnt exist in botany...oh well..

so its been a little tough lately like trying to remember exactly how it was that i managed full time school and part time work and some form of social life and study and money and sleep...

lately its been like coffees a food group and sleep a luxury and study number one priority...i dunno...

the roomies finally had thier show which kicked total ass but after that i was exhausted and needed to study plus dye my hair again as a tragic accident in which i tried to bleach out the too dark for me plum which masked the faded purple and then redye a light brown ended in a yellowy purplish oranglelike mess which required further work...

my third dye in as many days left my scalp irritated and litteraly dotted near the hearline with small scabs from the chemicals and whatnot, plus my right ear puffy and red also slightly scabbed on top..

then i got up early again and was at js new place which is so big and esp in comparison with my tiny dollhouse room that my room could literally fit in his bathroom...

anyway so we got out early him headed for the airport and hed given me this wierd contact solution that is like super powerful but you cant put it in your eyes right? like you clean the lenses but then rinse them hella or whatev anyway it seems i didnt rinse them well enough cus in class one of my eyes was irritated as fuck and finally when i tried to take the contact off to rinse it again it broke in half..

so i went off half blind to an appt at the school clinic to check in about birth control and such and let me tell you folks people look at you funny when you can only see out of one eye, im walking around with one eye shut and the people are all looking at me like what the fuck? then i get a new method of birth control with more percentage points!!! less likeliness of nausea and bigger health risks but the way i see it a baby is about the biggest health risk they is...

so while im there i shedule my pelvic and whatev and the doc asks if i do breast exams and im like not really, and shes like what!!!! and of course stresses the importance of my doing so whatev

so i head home after talking to my boss cause i cant really work with one eye right? and i get there and take a shower and decide i will give this breast thing a shot and immediately freak out like what the hell is that cuz yeah i fondle that shit all the time but the fact is i aint been doing the whole little circular rubbing whatev and for a second im convinced something is terribly wrong before i think to check the other to see if its supposed to feel like that...well they match and i get the idea that this is some kinda i dunno glandular structure or whatever...

then i took a fuckin nap.

once you go mac...

so ive been hella busy lately with school starting up and work too, running my ass off and confusing myself and sleeping too late some days cause im now able to sleep through three separate alarms especially if there was a rehearsal the night before, i tend to stay up a little too late cause its always cracking around here at night with folks in and out and im into hangin out and dont really wanna go to sleep but i have learned to sleep through some major noise...

also got financial aid recently and decided to purchase a laptop and got the mac deal on a laptop and nano plus a free printer which is cool...

i dunno though...im running around like a maniac and keep thinking coffee is a food group so need to adjust my scheduling and life accordingly,,

but stuff is good my classes are fun and i have reconnected with my supergeek jewish studies pals and now have a semipermanent study date at a bar in the sunset sunday nights...

the only way to do jewish studies is drunk we feel.

besides that j is finally moving into the zen den while i am pretty settled in the dollhouse where meezy, one of the dancers has bestowed upon me the moniker ROBOT KOREA

im actually really into it and planning on being this for halloween although ive yet to discover what a robot korea looks like (well me i spose)

going back to work has been great as well, the kids are awesome and kids i remember from long ago drop by and some have younger sibs in my program...its also just fun to be there cause they are all such great kids, its funny though that i dont feel that so much of my identity is tied to working with youth after my year away. its like its still a part of me but not as intensely...

j and i are well also, still up in couples counselling where last week cynthia was running a little late and showed up with a helmet tucked under her arm...usually she beats us there and hides the evidence of just how badass she really is, thats right my therapist rides a fuckin motocicleta....

now how cool is that?

yosemite!

so after a week of moving and painting and school, as usual waiting for financial aid to show up and charging books on a card i decided to head to yosemite to visit un tal barone. well the boys were going and had a big back country hike planned but i didnt even wanna go there, my knees hurt just from moving still...

so i went up with cheets and jer and we came back the very next day, which only gave us a little while with barone but left me free to spend the weekend arranging my space and studying..

we spent a lovely day at the river after waaaay too much time circling the valley for parking and having some nature loving asswipe yell i hope you get attacked by sqirrels as we waited for a spot in an ill fated attempt to visit barone one last time..

so we grabbed some cold beers and headed for el pinche rio as jer puts it to watch the craggy windblasted walls of yosemite reflected in the clear cold current and feed sesame sticks to little girl mallard duck and yeah i know dont feed the aminals ect keep yosemite wild whatever she had a hurt webbed foot and politely asked if i had anything for her to eat so i complied...

also took lotsa fotos and if anyone was wondering what the deal was i had been searching for rechargeable batteries having finally encountered my charger during the move and finally just charged some more and was ready to go so expect soon to see some visual evidence of me here in the dollhouse and of course of yosemite..

returned home that night sleepy and sunweary to find a confused italian camped in my room and a band loudly practicing in the studio, was about to head to cheets to sleep on her couch when the roomies worked it out and i realized id overreacted and it was an innocent mistake and the band was leaving and there was another bed for the italian...

just one of the crazy sitches around here is the amount of people in and out and its still something im trying to get used to, at that point i felt pretty invaded but i had forgotten that the italian had sublet my new room and was planning on returning for a few days and we hadnt really figured out what to do with him...

anyway heather was great and was like hey you wanna smoke and kinda quietly processed with me and worked it all out...

so it was fine, and the rest has been good ive arranged and studied and whatnot..

back to school with me.