so i think i might still be drunk
ok so last night was nuts...
we were all going out to this club and as usual i took way too long to get ready and had to try on three shirts before i hit the right one..
so the girls were rushing me to drink cause maca wanted to leave
and then everyone who was coming with was lagging getting to the house
and then some kids wanted to go to some other place and started trying to discuss it as we were trying to leave the house get in cabs and hit the club
so this friend of ashleys is trying to convince her to go to a party and she been dancin in my frickin house for like two hours slow groove to old madonna which is macas fave and im personally a little sick of it but anyway this saucy chick needs to dance and so do i and so thats what i tell her right? im like siiiii pero, necesitamos bailar...and then homeboy is like hes gonna go and shes like looking in the one direction where hes about to get in his car and the other where macas hailing a cab...
and as usual i somehow manage to insert myself right in the middle of everybodys drama and i swear i dont do this on purpose..
i grab her hands and tell her again that we have to dance but then i dont know..somethin came over me and i push her up against the wall and kiss her...yeah i dunno..
i mean we flirt all the time but its just a joke..
sorta
i guess
so in this exact moment out walks my roomate who has a not so secret anymore crush on her and hes not like mad in love or anything but he kinda likes her so im drunk and confused and then i feel terrible and hes like
i soooo saw that
and im liike...oh..sorry about that
and then we all jump in a cab and chick and i are talkin for a sec and its basically fine and we get to the club and i realize im seeing double even though i only had two drinks so while my peeps argue abt cover and such i start to slink off cause i think i might puke and ashley catches up with me and shes like man you cant wander off in this hood, do you need to puke?
im like uh huh..
shes like man, make yourself puke, youll feel better, just get in there and finger your tonsils for all there worth
this is the only woman i know who is cruder than me and i admire it soo...she routinely says when fucked up or upset WELL FUCK ME IN THE ASS!!!
anyway so i cant barf on the street and then her buddy homeboy whatever the hell his name is shows up and im like i gotta go home and the two of them jump into a cab with me and i ride like a sick puppy with my head hangin out the window thinking cool air nice wind good no want vomit rach go home sleep nice bed good we like
soooooooo these kids take me home and tuck my fucked up ass in with a bucket and a lot of water....
ima leave it at that
and the thing that sucks is that i routinely drink far more than what i had last night, or at least here i do...i dunno...
but i swore to myself last night that if i could stop ralphing and just pass the fuck out id never drink again........
in other news
j emailed me to tell me he had read the blog and just to let me know im not doing this whole fuckin thing sola..which was nice..there was a minute when i was really afraid that he was just gonna go away...and hes my family you know? its like, i dont know what will happen when i go back but i need to know that whatever happens my fam is still there...its the thing i was most afraid of...even sittin by the river like a month before departure date with j and v and cheets...and just being so scared of never getting to come back there..
i dunno
and i talked to the kid who i havent seen in two weeks...and that was ok, mostly..i dunno i guess i just started to worry that i wouldnt get my little buddy back if i couldnt fend off my own wounded pride and stuff...
and cause its all so tangled up with all this other stuff and i just need to untangle it...but it still sucks to be the one who is all fucked up even if i do have many other reasons for it....and i have some anger stuff that i dont wanna take out on him or anyone else for that matter...i dunno...its tough...
had this dream last night about a fluffy tufty little black kitten who was totally adorable and i was walkin around with it everywhere and then we were in a taxi and he just started to scratch the shit out of me and it was pretty extreme like i was bleeding all over the place..
my subcon mind is subtle as a fuckin anvil falling at 50mph..
we were all going out to this club and as usual i took way too long to get ready and had to try on three shirts before i hit the right one..
so the girls were rushing me to drink cause maca wanted to leave
and then everyone who was coming with was lagging getting to the house
and then some kids wanted to go to some other place and started trying to discuss it as we were trying to leave the house get in cabs and hit the club
so this friend of ashleys is trying to convince her to go to a party and she been dancin in my frickin house for like two hours slow groove to old madonna which is macas fave and im personally a little sick of it but anyway this saucy chick needs to dance and so do i and so thats what i tell her right? im like siiiii pero, necesitamos bailar...and then homeboy is like hes gonna go and shes like looking in the one direction where hes about to get in his car and the other where macas hailing a cab...
and as usual i somehow manage to insert myself right in the middle of everybodys drama and i swear i dont do this on purpose..
i grab her hands and tell her again that we have to dance but then i dont know..somethin came over me and i push her up against the wall and kiss her...yeah i dunno..
i mean we flirt all the time but its just a joke..
sorta
i guess
so in this exact moment out walks my roomate who has a not so secret anymore crush on her and hes not like mad in love or anything but he kinda likes her so im drunk and confused and then i feel terrible and hes like
i soooo saw that
and im liike...oh..sorry about that
and then we all jump in a cab and chick and i are talkin for a sec and its basically fine and we get to the club and i realize im seeing double even though i only had two drinks so while my peeps argue abt cover and such i start to slink off cause i think i might puke and ashley catches up with me and shes like man you cant wander off in this hood, do you need to puke?
im like uh huh..
shes like man, make yourself puke, youll feel better, just get in there and finger your tonsils for all there worth
this is the only woman i know who is cruder than me and i admire it soo...she routinely says when fucked up or upset WELL FUCK ME IN THE ASS!!!
anyway so i cant barf on the street and then her buddy homeboy whatever the hell his name is shows up and im like i gotta go home and the two of them jump into a cab with me and i ride like a sick puppy with my head hangin out the window thinking cool air nice wind good no want vomit rach go home sleep nice bed good we like
soooooooo these kids take me home and tuck my fucked up ass in with a bucket and a lot of water....
ima leave it at that
and the thing that sucks is that i routinely drink far more than what i had last night, or at least here i do...i dunno...
but i swore to myself last night that if i could stop ralphing and just pass the fuck out id never drink again........
in other news
j emailed me to tell me he had read the blog and just to let me know im not doing this whole fuckin thing sola..which was nice..there was a minute when i was really afraid that he was just gonna go away...and hes my family you know? its like, i dont know what will happen when i go back but i need to know that whatever happens my fam is still there...its the thing i was most afraid of...even sittin by the river like a month before departure date with j and v and cheets...and just being so scared of never getting to come back there..
i dunno
and i talked to the kid who i havent seen in two weeks...and that was ok, mostly..i dunno i guess i just started to worry that i wouldnt get my little buddy back if i couldnt fend off my own wounded pride and stuff...
and cause its all so tangled up with all this other stuff and i just need to untangle it...but it still sucks to be the one who is all fucked up even if i do have many other reasons for it....and i have some anger stuff that i dont wanna take out on him or anyone else for that matter...i dunno...its tough...
had this dream last night about a fluffy tufty little black kitten who was totally adorable and i was walkin around with it everywhere and then we were in a taxi and he just started to scratch the shit out of me and it was pretty extreme like i was bleeding all over the place..
my subcon mind is subtle as a fuckin anvil falling at 50mph..
posted by Rachel R. @ 10:48 AM
4 Comments:
At 7:53 AM,
papamamba said…
an anvil at 50 mph. jeje, la hostia...
only 2 drinks? lightweight. dunno how many times i've said, nunca mas! i'll never drink again, yeah, right.
At 5:15 PM,
Jeff Pollet said…
I have a lot of respect for j (and you!) for keeping the connection, working out things so y'all can still have your family. That's something that I thought I would have when things went south between my ex and me--and who knows, maybe someday we'll be friends again, but I sure don't have that support at the moment that it seems like j is giving you. You're both great for making that effort.
And the anger? I have no advice, just some empathy--there's really nobdoy to be angry at, but the anger is still there. So where does it go? I'm still not sure. Been trying to not direct it out toward people OR in toward myself, to somehow just let it pass through me. Not easy to do, and I don't even know if that makes sense...it's tough. Again, no advice, just empathy.
Oh, and, I thought you said you 'couldn't do' casual kissing any more than you can do casual sex...? Apparently there are exceptions when yer drunk and ya been flirting with a girl for months. Heh. That's a pretty good exception, really.
At 6:27 PM,
Rachel R. said…
welllll...that other casual kiss thing was a totally different thing..i think...
At 8:35 AM,
Jennifer said…
damn baby, get it! ;)
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