iyengar en español

had a cold and rainy weekend in which mostly everybody stayed in studying and avoiding the cold outside, where the highest sections of the city saw snow on sunday night, and luckily for me i managed to find yet another jacket this one hella warm and not as cute, but on sale cheap...which i needed today
i had planned to meet lil jen and this other chick from a class, ill call her A she cute, dirty blond curls, for yoga. our search for yoga had been a little disorganized but a lovely dinner at el huerto came with a bonus, yoga upstairs.
..so we all got our butts down there at 9am. so we go in and get set up and it turns out they serious as fuck about this whole iyengar bit.
for those who maybe dont know, thats with all the blocks and straps and props...its like b and d yoga, but not really.
so we get in there and set up and chant a little, led by this dude who is chilean but looks like he could be a young iyengar with his full beard and yoga diaper pants, the kind with a waistband so big that even folded over its like halfway down the hips...a good look really
...so we all trying to follow along as best we can, this other girl from british columbia, she done some yoga before, and you all know im a fanatic, jen had never tried it...so all the poses are assisted by straps and stuff..this can be a little off the wall..literally
..but its also really precise, i found myself at one point with a strap around my middle, held up in the most perfect down dog ive ever done, and the thing is that you can kick it there for like days...the last pose was a real doozy though. we were all confused by the reknotting of straps and further confused when the nice yogapants man demo for us how to knot the strap over your waist and flip upside down, jen gave me this priceless look like, what the hell is this circus school?
..and we gringas began giggling, high on yoga and highly amused..it was cool though
..and after class we traered our tired giggly selves to the little cafe next door, la huerta, seperate from the resteraunt, smaller, and hosting many lovely breakfast items and a really cute waitress with great boots, great pants, and a great butt..
so we notice this right away, cause frankly there just aint so many great asses in chile.. we get into this ridiculous convo about asses where im like, yeah aint so many asses up in chile, i mean i brought extra but not enough for everyone, and A is like yeah i got butt..but yer ass schooled me, i mean you pretty skinny everywhere else..but you gotta big ole butt... by this point even the lady at the table next to us is giggling...i mean we musta said ass like a dozen times...
..then its off to school for me and after my first class i decide to drop into a salsa class to see if i can join. they let me in and i fumble around clumsily for a bit, then comes time to partner up...im like. oh. im confused enough with just my own feet and im thinking maybe i will just watch but the instructor brings over someone who is pretty good and can help me...again im tripping over myself and confused in spanish...for the first like 20 minutes i just watch my feet...we spend most of this time just trying to get me to turn in four steps and not step on homeboys feet, and get this pretty simple 123 thing..
...but after a while i get that everything is actually easier up to speed, and that there are only a few basic steps, and that the dude essentially does all the work, and that the guy i am dancing with is fuckin cute as hell. things start looking up. we work on some fancy turns, i basically just go where im steered and im starting to get comfortable with someone holding onto my hands, which made me nervous as hell at first. actually i always thought dancing with a partner is kinda lame but salsa and merengue sexy as hell and i will now tell you why...
someone who knows how to lead also knows how to give you a little space at first, in fact most of the dance isnt particularly close, thats why when you have a turn that ends really close its sexy as hell, cause the whole time you been spinning around and shit and then you spin right into somebodys arms..well thats just fuckin hot..and then theres all this showy stuff dudes get to do, and the fact that a good partner basically steers you, so theres this strength to the hands yeah? well im into it...my butt going back next week. the best thing about it, cause ive actually ended up dancing like this a few times, i mean at clubs and stuff, its like there some physical contact but nobody grindin on you or tryin to get all up on you..its nice, and im getting pretty touch starved, in my single bed with my teddy...half the time i push sal right oughta bed...
and its not just that im used to sleeping with j..
which i am, but its also that my best friends and my family are so far away, nobody really hugs me or touches me and sometimes i just want a hug or something...
except of course for cheek kisses, btw, ran into natalia in her adorable turquoise boots today also and got a cheek kiss...
man i love me some chileans, they kiss you, hold yer hand, sometimes touch your waist, and you dont even have to go to bed with them to get all this..
this just courtesy feel me?
so then i got home to find a big ole package from j containing the latest jeannette winterson novel, chocolate, cigarettes, burts bee lotion, tampons, allergy pills, and a cute little note...love that guy. what a great day.

aiiiiiight im a tell yall somethen gooooooooooddddd

so i went out for dinner friday night with jen who is in my program and had some seriously amazing food and found a place to do yoga right above the yummy and beautiful vegetarian food restau in my hood.
which is cool.
had me some tofu for the first time since i got here, plus an amazing dinner, wine and tea plus yummy deserts...
then dragged my drunky butt home where i promptly went to bed awaiting a very early wake up call for a field trip with a class to Valparaìso.
i was awakened at about 4am by some very loud and drunken chileans, my roomates among them, who tromped up the stairs and proceeded to sing very loudly in spanish for like half an hour while i tossed and turned, fingers in my ears thinking... ojalà que ellos no canten màs...quiero que ellos no canten..espero que ellos dejen cantando pronto...
finally i marched my ass upstairs, where my absolutely drunk dishevelled and adorable chilean roomate maca spotted me and beamed in my direction, all the noise ceased for a moment while i began to explain in spanish that i had only two more hours to sleep and was contemplating murder and they needed to be less noisy...
then i tromped back down while they laughed and turned the music back up...finally fell back asleep only to be awakened by my alarm at 6am.
dragged my ass to the appropriate meeting place and collapsed on the floor amid similarly fucked up classmates...then got onto a bus where i plugged dreamland into the musicmaker and let robert miles help me drift off to sleep..
when i awoke i was in a strange world where houses were multicolored and stacked like boxes on foothills and everywhere stairs led up and down and in and around labyrinthean streets as i tried to accomplish the mission given by my prof who didnt even show but instead sent some other dude...
i was sposed to take pictures in black and white, but the place was so colorful i kept draggin my digital out to get color pics and losing track of my group as i traded digital for manual...found myself lost alone amid winding ruined staircases calling jen on my cell, one camera slung over my shoulder the other in my hand yelling over the phone, where are you, she would reply im not sure we climbed some stairs...oh claro claro...
old people driving by kept slowing down and saying Niña! cuidado! cause im walking around like i got a rob me sign or an i heart valpo tshirt with two cameras and a cell in these crazy deserted steep poverty ridden climes...
finally found my group, at one point another student was dispatched to rescue me..which i appreciated...after like three hours of wandering i noticed little blue arrows embedded in the sidewalk and realized my dumb ass kept gettin lost even though the whole damn group was following a guided tour through the city...who knew...
i never seem to know if things are just not as clearcut here or if its mostly that i barely speak the fuckin language...
but i think its a combo...i mean for this trip we didnt get any previous instructions except where to meet and bring a camera loaded with black and white...we had to pull themes from a hat (mine was lo simple y lo complejo) (i got that shit in the bag btw) upon arriving and ran around for like 5 hours with no potty or food stops...but the other students werent complaining so i eventually shut up...it prolly helped that this was the most otherworldly graffitified public artified labyrinthean colorful city i have ever seen...(pics on the way, and check the random album for pics on wall shots)
when i finally got on a bus home, and it was indeed the first time i refd santiago as home and i felt tired and hungry but warm and glowy too...
finally regresared a mi casa, where i ate a bunch of food, apologized to my roomate for threatening her life and she laughed and said it was actually pretty funny and offered me some ice cream...
then i went to bed. happy bed. amo a mi cama. tan felìz estoy acà.

bout to be a big cranky bitch

so those of you wants some good news can fuckin scram. i am so fucking goddam motherfucking sick of this fucking fucked up goddam shit....i have never in my life had this many financial problems...seriously, its like im my brother all of a sudden..

primero
my ass arrives thinking that financial aid was gonna disperse when school starts here, beginning of august...ok so maybe i heard wrong or misunderstood or whatever...

then, i try to sacar dinero and get hella confused by the numbers, how the hell do i know what the fuck 100000 pesos is? commas are points here and points commas...how the hell does one figure that shit out?

further, the banks assrape me continually in my first couple of weeks as im trying to figure out how to calculate exchange rates and whatnot, routinely they charge me 9dollas for every atm trans until i figure out why money is dissapearing so quickly and find the bank that wont fuck me up the ass with a purple donkey dick

then theres some kind of fraud on the joint account which is sposed to act as my mothafuckin backup just in case cash...which the first time i try to use it as such i cant get cash cause its done been spent by some bitch in petaluma or some shit and

the next time i try to sacar some dinero the mothafuckin machine eats my card which i try in vain to explain to a confused bank employee como la maquina comó mi tarjeta!!! because theres some kind of fraud on that shit, so the new ones in the mail, which takes like three weeks...

then theres financial aid, the financial hold, plus interest plus late fee plus bob chang. nuffsaid.

so then the new card arrives, but not here mind you it arrives at my old addy, to j.. and im all hallelujah im saved i can finally get some current transformers and a cell and new boots and jackets and tights...ok fine i went overboard but the fact is my ass would be fine, flush in milk and bread and tea and new tights.......

IF

financial aid had showed up on the 19th of august, friday, after 3pm.

some mysterious i have no idea what the fuck it was for or to whom or when check hadnt emptied mi cuenta and caused yet another twenty dolla finance fee leavin that shit in the negative numbers

not absolutely every mothafuckin goddam sonofabitchin financial fuckin transaction didnt have to take place like a million miles away overseen by bitches who dont answer my emails and my ass cant call em, cause i am fuckin broke!!!!!

ok. i feel better now.

on monday i will either see some financial aid, or j will work the credit card magic or i will begin again to fight the good fight against my evil arch nemesis BoBcHanG...
but you know it would just be nice if there was like a single fucking thing that wasnt a goddam struggle here, y know?
walking to the metro is pretty easy i guess...other than that im working brain musculos that i dont have full time sleeping poorly waking tired and krinky to find that once again i gotta fight the power to get some fuckin pan y queso...motherfuckin goddam sonofabitchin power..i hates they ass....

la otra chaqueta

thought about bloggin early this morning

...as i accidentally dripped jam into the toaster oven and as i watched the lovely light out my window illuminate the mountains in the distance...as well as the small group of alternateens always gathered across the street smoking and waiting for school to start. i finally got it that theres a school across the street...looks like a big fancy house, but i kept wondering what the hell those kids were doing over there at 8am every day...
i decided to drag my sorry sleepy back krinky ass upstairs para ceck out my bank statement which desafortunamente was still showing negative numbers. i got no real idea why exactly. on the good news side of things BobChang finally wrote back after my like sixth email, plus one call from j...just to tell me dont trip, you dont have a financial hold, all fees will be paid out of dispersement on the 19th. thats today. i checked and the words Financial and Hold are no longer appearing on my record
...gee youd think his ass coulda mentioned this like TWO WEEKS HACE!!!!!
anyway i had already learned that all the fees including late fees and interest i dont think i should have to pay are coming auto from finaid dispers...while the words financial hold should not be understood to constitute a financial hold....??
this told to me by j who also called the registrar, after having given up all hope on the apparently in a coma or on vacation BoBcHanG..
about which id like to just give some props to J. aka jeremias or also known here in Chile, (here they dont say chile as in pepper unlike the entire rest of the spanish speakin world here they say ahì. como atùn..not to be confused with tuna, which is a fruit, but i digress...)as my pololo. Novio is waaaay too strong a word and here it connotes being practically, or actually married....so of this pololo mìo, this j, the man who calls me weekly, who emails me with little poerms in spanish and smiley faces ala yahoo, who places dinero en la cuenta corriente (when those corrientes tiene menos, shall we say fluidad?) the man who mails me paquetes packed with cigarettes and tampons (they do have em here but not the kind i like) this man solid as fuck, sweeter than any other hombre i have met yet, is his own special genero y numero...para mì, el hombre esencial...just wanted to put that out there...
k
so i was in my window surrepticiously (do ya spell it like that?) sneakingly taking pics of the alternateens across the street...which fail to reveal the true glory, but will be uploaded shortly, or at least later...
its friday so i wanted to wear a skirt, but it looked awfully chilly out there...then i recalled a convo with lil jen in which i confided that i had a sneaking suspicion that these chilean chicks, who if i havent said it before, all of em cute, are wearing tights under they pants! she said, i do that sometimes, it keeps you really warm...i had to think about it for a minute..tights under pants...i remembered the 90s and my own propensity for hot pink spandex beneath practically shredded jeans...they some ripped denim here of a lesser intensity and thats hows i know about the tights...and i decided, shit...if i can still think longingly of that crazy outfit.......(bleached those pants myself, they was practically thread when i got done with em...)
so i decided i was gone go ahead and propongo this puppy..and to celebrate too cold for a skirt but still friday i busted out some skintight pink and red little bit of tan plaid pants plus my pink wifebeater with little red hearts sewn on(not by me)...and saw to my amazement, that panty lines are a problem of the past, for girls with no tights...that i could wear this shit fearlessly, nary a concern about possible bulges, wrinkles, and whatnot...who fuckin knew




the cheerleaders

thats who knew.

those bitches.

i always recognized the extra shine of extra spandex but i guess i didnt do all the math, those girls didnt have perfect smooth flawless bodies, they had one and from an unnamed source who i will protect even should i have to do time i can report some had two pairs of lycra enhanced pantyhose....

i should have known....those sly bitches....so i walzed my ass to brekky, dripped jam all over the floor, heated up my avena (i know it means oatmeal but it doesnt taste like oatmeal..might just go back to the batifruti yogurt) and headed up to the computadora to check the status of my financials (negative numbers, we talked about this) and email (just the little friendly note from fuckin bobchang from yesterday and more bad news from the crew at democracy now {i loooooove youuuuu Amy Goodman} as well as news on how i can improve my credit {shut the fuck up my ass broke already})
by that time it was faaaar tooo late to write a blog, and thats when i had the answer to the question of why folks dont write some early morning blogs...cause they had to wipe jam off the floor and they hair still wet and at ten am they gotta discutir some book they didnt finish reading in spanish and didnt entendì much of what they did read and needs to get they ass on the metro and head to school where hopefully they got enough time to get a crappy nestley coffee out a machine and dont even get me started on the coffee........................................

hella clumsy en español

so it had been a few days since the whole ok...thing and i was kickin it with a few estudiantes, when one of them said, oh theres Natalia, and i was like im not even gonna turn around, she thinks im a scary stalker already..
so then the other student says oh thats a cute coat, and i just cant take it anymore, i whirl around, tripping over somebodys backpack, landing on the sidewalk with a scraped knee while los chicos attempt to stop laughing and ask if im alright..
scaped my knee and got myself a huge bruise to match the one on my other knee from tripping in the shower over dental floss that i forgot to put back in the cabinet.
i know its my own damn fault...
and what kinda freak flosses in the shower? me thats what kind. my bathroom cold as hell and i dont wanna be kickin it in there if i aint under hot water..
then a few days later i got a chance to wear my beautiful new boots, lamentablemente my ass was way too tired to really appreciate the fact that i looked damn good that day..i had to finish registering my visa and it was the very last day to get my ass into the registro civil, so i decided to go down there before a ten am class cause id already heard horror stories about waiting in long long lines and couldnt take no chances...
well i got lost on the way, but finally found the place with all the appropriate papers and copies of everything in my backpack. this is a take a number and then wait sorta place, better than a line..
so my number flashes and i go behind the little partition where the clerk tells me i didnt call you, i have a camera! im not really sure what his point is exactly so i go back to waiting, the next desk that comes free i walz in, after all my number is flashing on the little screen, well the clerk says i havent called you and im like oh, uh..i have confusion, thats my number..the clerk is like yeah i havent called you, im like uh huh, sorry but, there is someone here who is going to call me? and shes like yeah right away and im all ok sorry...
anyway the shiny boots didnt help me lograr a decent picture for my official cedula...i look like a wolfman cause the frame is close and shows just face and loads of hair...
so then at school that same day i run into la you know who for the first time since the whole you might just be a creepy stalker incident...im pretty tired and fucked up but can vaguely appreciate that at least im wearing the boots...not much of an interaction, i mostly try to not look directly at her lovely almond eyes...like lookin into the sun that shit can blind ya...
then this last weekend i was out dancing when accosted by a beefy chilean whose t shirt said police, who told me repeatedly while trying to dance way too close and stepping on my already disgruntled toes "i am hot sexy latin, no?" (NO!!!!) and other slick lines such as "you are pretty woman" and "i am personal trainer" yeah...
had to run away, and im not even exagerating about that one...after refusing a coke for like the third time trying to explain about what up in columbia en español, to which the overly beefy but short chilean responded "we are in chile, toma un coca cola!!!" ummmm yeah.
lil jen and i hatched a roomate needs her keys and we gotta lavarlas a ella plan while hiding in el baño waiting for beefy chilean and his friend beefy tambien to go away...and it sorta worked after lots of we gotta go no really we have to leave no you definitely cant come...
so the days are going by with no email from natalia, tampoco from finaid...
im trying to read a book of poetry, a novel, and several articles en español with no noticable success...
then yesterday the pics i ordered from my online album arrived, and just as i was about to put them all on my walls, i mean i papered my frickin walls so that you see all these faces walking in...
all kinda j and ra and cheets and v and kerm and lempke and the kids and coworkers...
i check my email to find a note from natalia saying sorry shes been busy and whats my schedule this week and we still need to get a coffee and she says i copied the style of your picture, tell me if its similar...and attaches a smarmy cute self portrait como la de yo ...
and i run downstairs to put up pics of my peeps singin she loves me yeah yeah yeah....

fraggle trashin fashion part deux

thought id go ahead spice it up a lil for all yall non español gringo speaking folk...how you like me now fat boy...
(i would like to note that the views and possibly offensive contents here do not necessarily reflect the views of the author)
k
so i went off a little about fashion here, but i never really went into detail about the dark side of chilean fashion...
and dark it can be.

its a tough thing to even talk about. really. it hurts me.

well i told you they loooooooove the 80s, i believe i mentioned they looooooove grease? they do, i was in a club one time, and they didnt just play a song from Grease, they played, like THREE and im talkin IN A MOFUCKIN ROW
¿catchais?
k
so they also love Saturday Night Fever, Madonna even though she hella old and starting to resemble leather (dont get me wrong, i got respect, but she the one tonguing some kinda Britney Spears or was it her whitetrash counterpart, Christina Aguilera? not to go off but i gotta say, i kinda prefer la segunda, she cheap and slutty and she got some crazy synthetic ass hair...she a complete and total fuckin slut, and i like that about a girl..)lemme get back on topic.
talking about fashion. aight. cool. so they got this show here and its called ROJO, well its like a cross between star search american idol and big brother im a say...all kinda scantily clad singers and dancers sometimes they do big song and dance numbers, sometimes they do solo stuff, which is judged by the audience, and every week two people gotta compete, the one with the lower score has to leave..or somethin like that.....anyway. the other night im watchin a little ROJO, its been cool since they arrested this singer dude who used to be on the show for drug trafficking and then he came on again and apologized while they played sad music. anyway, the two people competing that night were doing, respectively..olivia newton jhon, and whatsisname, jhon travolta from Saturday night fever. so she comes out with a bunch a chicks all scantily clad but in workouty gear singin physical while they bend and stretch in .......
shiny bright blue spandex one peice short shorts long sleeves holes all down the sleeves and the body of they whateva ya call that shit, later described by one of the dancers as "desmasiado"
while homeboy comes out in his all white, pointy large collared shirt, jacket, shoes...and dances around like a fuckin disco maniac...
and the big dance numbers are crazy...they all wearing the tightest skimpiest shit they got, im talkin one girl, she gots skintight sparkly pants and a matching sparkly bra...and they dance heeeeeelaaaaaa scandalous. i mean i seen scandalful dancin but like, man this shit get scandalous...but the crazy thing is it gets all scandalful booty grindin ect in between jazz hands fully coordinated like 40 people dancing as one musical theater....i dunno man
but im tryin to talk about fashion and i aint got a lot a time cause im behind in my reading...(readin in spanish like pickin through cheap but obscure thrift stores, you find some great shit but it take you all fuckin day)
k
fashion, heres where im goin.
i cannot, will not, no...i refuse to be a party to, a silent yet complicitous part of a society in which it is ok, no..scratch that..in which it is a good thing to wear a tank top on top of a long sleeved shirt.
sorry.
but i gotta stick to my guns. the shirt in question btw is made of the same material that say...panty hose is made of..its skintight, often black but they aint no stoppin these folks from flashing turquiose and red and lime green and yellow...usually with a contrasting top ...
i can see im a have to get my camera out. because what you need to understand is that this aint no isolated incident, it happens all tha time!!!!! i mean, the other day i was telling somebody to kill me if i ever do such a thing and in the space it took me to articulate the sentiment, i passed TWO examples of such criminal fashion no no no please for the love of christ dont.
ahem
got ta clear my throat. then there is that matter of tights...now, i have said already what great tights they have...what i havent told you is that a love of unigue and interesting and colorful and 80s inspired wear can lead to some really fuckin ugly tights, like white ones with big black geometric designs so busy one is transfixed like a deer in headlights.
or that godawful shade of yellow that resembles nothing so much as radioactive baby diarrhea. red tights i think the world can do without...but thats one womans opinion...
in fact, the only tights im really diggin, are quite far in texture from the offenses im thinking of, those tights are very close in texture to pantyhose and theres a reason that pantyhose went the way of the corset, becoming something only identity searching for robertsmith lookalike preduringandpostteens would wear, or something that only emerges from the depths of the closet on halloween, for folsom street fair..ok you get my point i think. pantyhose are the work of the devil.
they roll wayyyyy the fuck up to here, way above waist, way above belly button, like nearly to the ribs these fuckers. the ankles and knees sag, then they cut in around that oh so sensitive inner thigh type a area...what the bloody fuck would inspire anyone to wear them i dont know....
that said, i like me some knit tights, and especially here where they are colorful and boast designs like stripes and polka dots....unfortunately those ones are mostly for small children, but i also like something a little thinner than a knit, thicker than the dreaded "colorful pantyhose" and with some kind of textured patterning, or fishnet sort of thing happening

i gotta wrap this up. here are some brief examples of the dark side of Chiles love of the 80s, musical theatre, bright colors, and i just dont know what makes people go for what has to be the worst offense of them all, thanks to LittleJen for pointing out


the cameltoe...
remember those jeans every girl who thought she was a cowboy but didnt live on a ranch used to wear in like, middle school... with the yoke in the front.
and then for a while everybody wore em and the yoke became almost but not quite a denim ruffle and surely it was at this point that somebody noticed that these pants with the tight high waist didnt really look so great on anybodys ass, made it look in fact like two balloons smushed together, and worse yet, created some serious fuckin cameltoe...lotta labia up in this bitch

the brightly colored solid plastic often shaped like an oversized button or bow hair accesory.
nuff said

the one long long to the shoulder im talking dangly earing, and on the other ear???
either nothing, or a stud.

variation of the above with one rather large hoop

i take it back about the cameltoe being the biggest fashion dont. im a have to say, really..the one they taking to extreme levels is, you guessed it, the mullet...also known as the shlong (short in the front and long in the back) this is the haircut that ruined my life when i was about nine and some neighbor girls decided to give me "bangs" that would "feather" and i looked like an ugly boy with a really bad haircut for like two years or some shit. my apologies to those who wear the oh so fashionable hipster mullet, i have met some of you who have come closer to changing my mind on this subject than i ever thought possible...however, i have to be true to myself..here, to finally wrap this shit up and do some gotdamn homework...is a short list of some the mullet variations to be found in Chile

the extra short curly haired hipster boy could almost be a fauxhawk grown out mullet
the one big nasty matted dread mullet
the several dreads but shaved on the side and long in the back mullet
the shaved on the side long in back held in place with bobby pins ON A DUDE mullet
the heeeeeeeeeeeellla long in the back shaved on the side braided into a tail mullet
and
the baby i kid you not im talkin in a stroller but full on fuckin mullet mullet

and with that my lovely audience, i must bid you adeux (hope thats how its spelled)

trashin fashion

i have decided to devote some space to a massive me gusta no me gusta list but first let me say a little bit about the fashion here. The 80s is alive and well in chile, schoolgirls uniforms include matching legwarmers, the discoteques play new wave, prince, madonna, ect...i love it..its probably the strangest mix imaginable...because there is also a strong european influence, thus the lovely skirts coats and boots...but they love some bright colors here and some really outrageous fashion...there are lots of big malls here but also tons of smaller outdoor type malls and today gracias a dios, i found the alternamall..there were little stores with only goth gear, or only punk gear, but also lots of little stores with really cute unique shit. got a new credit card so my ass got a pair of the cutest boots known to man. In a way im glad i was broke for so long, cause when i first got here i saw so many cute pairs of boots i mighta rushed out and got some right away...As it is ive had plenty of time to look around and see what kinda stuff they have, what the prices are ect. there are two huge malls somewhat near my house, and the kind of things they carry are like the kind of things most malls carry, that is, not very unique, mass produced, everybody got one, way too spendy..so having seen some of that stuff i knew i was in the right place as soon as i stepped into the alternamall...crazily patched together skirts, cute shoes, sparkly bangles, plus the aforementioned alternagear..i should be clear that it isnt a mall as such, more like an open air series of shops, which is how most shops are set up...they have loads of little alleys that you turn into to find yourself in a kind of shopping center generally having lots of similar stuff..this place was definitely more interesting than most, and i managed to score two jackets to replace the one i lost, one pink and tan with these crazy sleeves, think purple rain in pink tweed...the other dark brown and blue...both fitted cute jackets, plus the most outrageously adorable strappy, slouchy, and soft knee high boots, think soft fake suede with a subtle silvery sheen...they are beautiful. also because its so cold in the winter, but the chicks wear skirts a lot, there is this whole tights/kneesocks thing going on...they have the most colorful stripey socks and tights i have ever seen...anyway its getting warmer so i think its not just about climate, more about style and social mores...its hella catholic so methinks the tights are also a little more conservative than bare legs...being a lover of colorful knee socks, im in heaven..there are sock stores in the bigger metro stations for chrissakes...never been too keen on tights, they tend to stop like at yer ribs...but i gotta say i have never seen cuter tights, and for wintertime it just makes sense...but enough of that, on to the worlds biggest me gusta no me gusta list


me gusta
chilean chicks, they like toasted almonds with dark hair and dark almond eyes and toasted almond skin...sometimes lighter tones but always toasty and almondy
te con leche
dia del niño (why didnt we think of that one? a day to celebrate kids and everyone gets to come out and do fun kid stuff like eat cotton candy)
la mezcla de los estilos moderno y earopeo
chilean salad (always with vinegar and lemon, includes big chunks of onion, tomato, and avocado)
me gusta/no me gusta lists
pan dulce (sweet breads or pastries)
queque (sweet bread)
torta (cake/sweet bread)
postre (cake)
pisco sour

no me gusta

stray dogs
belmonts
kents (the only brands of smokes sold here)
piscola
confusing french theory in spanish
greasy papas fritas
gettin stared at all the time
the lost wax process (by which damn near everything here operates)
its kinda like how in the schedule its gonna say lw2 and then s12..so you gotta go the page where it says what time the 2 block is, then the map trying to figure out where sala 12 is, usually but not always near the office of whatever the class falls under, and know that l is for lunes and w for miercoles...but then sometimes stuff gets moved to a different room and you just gotta look online.
or like how all these extraprogrammatical classes are offered but you have to find the office on the 2nd floor of hall universitario between 1100 and 1300 or 1500 and 1700 to get a schedule, or look online, but you still gotta go there to register for the class..and its not like theres all that much on the 2nd floor but the doors you want aint marked..they just some frickin puertas blancas...
heres another example, say yer in a bar and you want a drink, easy right, you tell the bartender what you want, they give it to you, you pay...
wrong
you go to one window where you order your drink and pay for it and get a reciept which you bring to the bartender who usually asks you what you want anyway, so apparently the reciept just says you want a drink and you paid for it
say yer in a huge gelateria and yer standing right in front of shit tons of gelato, you point to what you want, pay the dude and get yer gelato right? wrong
you walk over to the other side of the room, try to order using the words the person near the gelato told you, pay, get a reciept, return to the place where you were originally and hand over the reciept
...everything is like double processing and as a result my choco vanilla mix turned out choco piña, which was...interesting..
also as a result i get hella paranoid waiting in line for some damn thing, rehearsing in my head what i need to say, then get turned down when its my turn and sent to a new line to order pay and get a damn receipt...after doing this a few times i started getting really hazy on who im sposed to pay and when, its not actually increased my ability to get into the correct line, just increased my paranoia that im prolly in the wrong one...

seis clases y no plata

so this other kid in my program was telling me that she managed to come here with the help of her parents, and proceeded to justify this and explain that she was going to pay them back and ect..you know how people get..like a little guilty right? if the padres kickin down some cash...
i was like, think of it this way, your padres kick down cash for you to come here, well so do mine, the difference is that my padres is the U.S. gubment.
oh yeah and my padre is a deadbeat daddy,he never gets me money on time, and if i dont pay him back he gone call the IRS...
so the problem with po folks is they dont spend money wisely, they dont budget well...livin on a shoestring budget gets you accustomed to runnin low on funds near payday...now i am nowhere near as bad as some people i know (ahem Kermit)but the same could be said of me..near finaid disbursement dates my wallet is limp and sad and empty...
and just about every year some goddam thing comes up sos i dont get money on time..
now my man Bob Chang, who was the dude informed me that

1. SFSU FINAID is my buddy and was gonna work it all out sos i could get some cash comin my way when school starts here (August 1) or during the week previous as opposed to my having to wait around until the week before school starts at SFSU, August 19th.

2. if i was having trouble with program fees and plane tickets i could take out a short term loan which would be repaid with financial aid.

3. in response to my three part,

a. will there be a financial hold which prevents me from getting
my disbursement as a result of a short term loan?
b.will my enrollment status show up as not enrolled in SFSU, thereby
incurring a hold which will prevent disbursement of financial aid?
C. will this enrollment status cause my various loans to enter
active instead of deffered status, thus putting me into enormous debt
befor and causing a hold which will prevent the disbursement of financial aid?

to all of these questions BOB CHANG the finaid dude all up in studyabroad assured me that none of these things would happen.I should have laughed or yelled "no fuckin way!!" alas i am saddened to say that not only did i keep a straight face, i believed this shit.
well, you guessed it, it looks like im headed right for every last one of these unnapealing options...when i got no moolah on the first i was like, its cool, i was counting on getting some cash soon but i got my rent paid and i can wait...then i went to check online..

well it turns out that i have a financial hold because of the short term loan that i took out to help cover program costs which is supposed to be paid out of financial aid but which i cannot pay without recieving financial aid which i cant recieve because i have a financial hold because i havent paid back the short term loan
its not like they all complete idiots, just sorta...i forgot to ask what if i apply for summer thinking i might take a class, but change my mind...and dont take a class...they should have replied that at the time when i should have recieved some financial award for summer but didnt the loan would immediately become due because its sposed to come out of the financial aid award that i didnt get because i didnt take a summer class and then they gonna start addin late fees immediately after that..
i am also listed as not enrolled and expect to fight the power tooth and nail to change this status and keep deferment...
so the difference between my buddy and me is that friday after class she went shopping while i went home for more tea, out drinking with some folks where i got truly wasted and lost my warmest jacket which i cant afford to replace...heres hopin its a warm week...
so the thing is that its always something different that has me scramblin for notebooks and whatnot...but its just not prudent, because its all a vicious cycle...the longer i have to wait, the longer the list of shit im gettin when i gots some fuckin cash gets
and that is why po folks blow hella money on payday...the longer they go without just gives em time to make up a big ass list...
and little miss crappy coffee out the machine lost the coat that goes with everything(in fact that coat was sooooooo multipurpose i think its gonna take two coats to replace it) now discovers that credits aint what she thought, she was figuring listed as ten counts as four...but no, turns out i need one more class for a grand total of six to meet program requirements... and cant afford to buy no books, lucky for me aint no copyright laws in chile and all my reading can be photocopied...
but dont worry yall, i had a great weekend despite the no cash and no coat...i been emailin BOB CHANG like daily, im all over this shit...i been in this game a long damn time and i know how its played...ciao

well i tried to be all slick

...as usual that just kinda blew up in my face...
I emailed Natalia asking her is she wanted to have coffee, then i said (all en Español) let me know, and ¿can you say no to this face?...intending to attach the pic you see to yer right...the extra snarky me...
desafortunament...when i looked at the email i sent, i had attached the wrong pic..i attached something innocuous like a lampost instead..
mulled for a sec over should i just let it go cause one email breezy, whereas two is potential stalker..
well i went ahead and attached the appropriate (or in, depende en el punto de vista) pic to a quick, oops i meant this one follow up email.
thereby blowing my shot at breezy as i electronically tripped over my own feet...and if that wasnt bad enough..
she writes back and says, in the subj line "ok..."
my buddy next to me say ... could indicate, you are kinda creepin me out. im crushed..i dont know if i really believe shes right... tone is so tough to decipher from email, was this an amused ... a flirtatious... annoyed? slightly frightened?
so things are off to a bad start.
the message basically says something like
well, thats a trap. i will let you know during the week, really busy right now, cant say ect...how are your classes...and then saludos (a little cold i think...)N
...i am completely crushed. into a tiny little pile of dust.
when i get home one of my roomies, upon hearing of this cryptic message, said, but she didnt say no, she said shes busy...and i cant help thinking of sex and the city. even though i never liked that immature insecure need to fuckin grow up and start communicatin Jack Burgher, i appreciated the bluntness of the notion, they aint gonna call, let it go, they are just not that into you.
its not like i thought we was about to ride off into the sunset or something, just kinda hoped we could maybe kick it...all i ever wanted to do was stare longingly at the perfection that is la prof, and try and figure out what the hell shes saying...
sigh...
maybe i should just make some friends my own age...the girl in the computer lab always smile when she see me....

dont know what you got till its gone

This pic was taken the very last day of spanish for extranjeros...thatd be late ass me in the scarf, profesora preciosa to one side and another student who aint half bad and knows it (in a good way) on the other...didnt realize i would miss it so much. turns out i hella do...
...so when i was about to come hella fools was like "try not to kick it with the other students from your program, you wont learn the language" and i was all, no prob..its not like im exactly a people person...and what the hell do i have in common with them anyway?
well as it turns out i underestimated the effects of being a stranger in a strange land. we dont really need a whole lot in common, for example the first of the other students i met who was my roomate at the hotel, came in and threw down her bags and said she needed a bloody mary asap and couldnt wait to go shopping...i found myself thinking, wow i have nothing at all in common with this middle class really tanned 20yr old from chico state..but i was thrilled to see her, she spoke the same fuckin language, and this in case you havent noticed, is cool. even when she made some awful comment about how she heard chilean dudes are really cute and not "all dark like mexicans" i was thinking about how under other circumstances we would probably have nothing to say to each other...but i still see her now and then, and its wierd i have this like affection for her. I think its the same way the other way around too, i think once i told her a little about me she didnt quite know what to make of me...but the thing about it is that although we dont like hang out, we are genuinely happy to see each other. all the kids from the program are. i cant explain it but even people im just not crazy about, it feels so darn good to see them..
And I didnt even quite get it until my two weeks of spanish ended...
that the class, and my little group of extranjeros, and the routine, not to mention the oh so adorable profesora...had all become like a little home away from home. It was this safe space where it was ok for my spanish to be all stumbly and i was encouraged to try and nobody rolled thier eyes and Natalia was like, ok, good...thats not correct, but good..you know what i mean? like she was smiling all the time and telling us silly stories and when one of us didnt know the answer everyone else would help out...
It was like i was this puppy unthinkingly rolling around with the other puppies and getting dragged about by the scruff of my neck until some jerk grabbed me out of my cozy cardboard box and dumped my ass on the pavement. i got a little taste of this when i moved out of the hotel, but then there was school every day and trips to the museum and the vineyard. I got to see the same kids who could actually speak my language every day, and if i absolutely couldnt come up with a word Natalia would say "dime en engles". man now i gots no get outta jail free cards..if i aint got the word..i just aint got it..
Now i been dumped in actual classes, sin profesora, who i catch a glimpse of now and then around facultad de letras...
And I feel like a big dumb alien. people look at me, and i mean like stare!!!! practically all the time, not as much at school...more like on the metro or the sidewalk...at school theres enough foriegn students that nobody is too surprised to see us...there im just some stupid gringa who can barely speak...
But i still do get stared at at school...i am apparently among la mas extraña de los extranjeros..this wierd big white person with strange hair...
and its not like im really that big...i just feel so clumsy and clunky...people here are smaller than in the states so im just a little shy of normal, whereas at home im more like diminutive..
im only actually large here in comparison to kids and little old ladies, the cute little old chilean women who they apperently manufacture by the dozen judging by the numbers i see. they little. and next to them i am a huge loud white person, capisce?
this one time in a grocery store i thought this little kid was saying something to me, and i was like huh? (or rather, como?) and the kid gave her parent person this look like please make the big scary lady leave, and i searched my head for words to explain that i thought she was talking to me, realized that it wouldnt matter by the time i figured them out, and just said sorry.
well i guess my point is that ive been pretty down for a few days...really missing my peeps and feeling really alone. now my whole day is dictated by wether or not i get what people say to me. this clerk in a grocery store, who was just impatient and obviously not a nice guy to the person ahead of me...i dreaded him asking me some question that i wouldnt understand...which of course he did...i think he asked if i had change or wanted to donate to some charity or some such shit that happens at the conclusion of checkout...i handed him some random change and he was like what and i was like its really early..and then i left and cried all the way home cause i am a big fat deafmute retard here.
i want to assure people that im really not this dumb but i just cant fuckin communicate that...so instead i pore over these crazy complicated theoretical texts defining poetry in spanish and long for the days of spanish for extranjeros...

me gusta
the mexican kid in one of my classes who i can totally understand!!!
seeing the cordilleras ringing the city in the distance
riding the metro with my headphones on
the shapes the leafless trees make

no me gusta
all the smelly mutt dogs who try to jump on me and get my shoes dirty
trying to figure out when and where im sposed to be
getting lost like daily
the fact that i still cant figure out basic shit like how to mail a letter

mi primer dia de escuela

man... i tell you what
i had some high hopes for today...the weekend stretched out far too long after the madness of saturday night. and it was indeed madness, the party was elsewhere thank goodness...and i got a chance to talk to this girl i kinda dug..we had this long ass spanglish convo about all kinda shit for like an hour..then a bunch of the kids started dancing, the pisco was flowing and we decided that we oughtta go hit a club.. well i was saying my goodbyes when i realized the gringo dance crew had already salieron...so i rushed out of the place and hit the elevator...in the lobby i blurted out to the doorman "did you see a big group of gringos come through",he pointed to where they were waiting for a cab or two across the street. so i joined the crew and we headed to BellaVista, the party side of town, aparently..by the time we got to the place it was already after two..not really a problem here, we were out dancing until like 4am. so thats when i realized why everybody thinks americans are easy. its all on acount of how we dance. i swear to god. now dont get me wrong there is some fucking sexy latin dancing, i aint tryin to deny it...and hell of it, latin dancing that is. but the fact is that suckas at the clubs only bust out a little bit of that, i mean it informs all the movement and all the clubs are like all reggeton all the time as far as i can tell...with the occasional new wave 80s tunes, a few of the most popular songs, and some old madonna, prince, or the michael jackson circa billy jean thrown in for good measure, but mostly its reggeton...to which one basically adapts a cha cha cha sort of step plus a cumbia bit with the hips...its sort of latin americas answer to the white boy shuffle as far as i can tell..the point is that its pretty restrained for a crowded dance floor 3pisco sours into 3am friday night, feel me? course what the hell do i know? my ass aint been out dancing but once since i got here but i tell you what, us gringos cut a little corner of the dance floor out for ourselves and garnered some notice with our freaky maneuvers. this one girl in my program, she kinda quiet but funny, on the dance floor, she crazy..takes up enough space for like three people, randomly busts out the running man or other such random shite..and most of yall know me. i get a little bit freaky...i twist around, touch the floor, pop the booty what have you, but in a restrained 28yr old sorta way.....
ok whatever
that was a crazy night into which i will go no further with details except to say that the girl who does live in the party house(i have since discovered that i do not) which is a spacious apartment on the top floor above both a metro station and a mall, as the one opens into the other..anyway this girl tried to go to sleep only to find a naked chileno in her bed...
so my roomate and i stumbled home pretty fucked up, spent much of the next day still drunk and drinkin water..and all my clothes were dirty...(aint no dryer up in this piece, and i already tried the deal where you hang shit up..took like a week and my jeans was all cold even after i ironed em, and all saggy like id been wearin em for two days straight), so anyway i tried to cart em off to a lavendaria over the weekend..but got there too late, desafortunamente...they close early on satidy and stay closed till monday. which makes pretty much no sense cause what else does one do on the weekend? one lavas ones ropa..anyway so they open today.
...so i traered my shit down there before school today and decided that since all my pants are dirty and i have preciosa to impress...that i was gonna show up in my pink tweed skirt, my hair all freshly washed and little bit of pink lipgloss and tan tights and the shoes many of you know as the cutest shoes of all time. no descrip will suffice so i will not try, instead i will later take a pic, of the shoes i mean...i am sufficiently wilted by my day to avoid the camera.
ahem
so. i drag my ass to school,where i see a few of the kids from my program. one is this dude (aka chico con cafe) with whom i have begun to establish a strangely competetive witty repartee, first based on the two of us vying for attention from la preciosa. so he was all you look cute today. and i was all. what up.
k
fast fwd. i been runnin around trying to figure out my sched, stopped in español for extranjeros, ostensibly to get my grade, caught a glimpse of profesora Natalia, she looked busy, waved..grades werent ready anyway.
so. im in the computer lab writing a respo to cheets via email when i glimpse at the clock, in military time of course and i think, oh shit. im late. got here three hours early to figure everything out and im fuckin late.
so i race out and im trying to find room twelve, doce for those in the know, in the facultad de letras bldg. it aint on the first floor, second tampoco, im racing upstairs muttering shit shit shit, third nothing but offices...back all the way down, over to geografia y historia right next door, they got a doce..but no..nobody there.
so i go back to the oh so nice to me esp for ex (hands getting tired and words so big) office where i say, nearly in tears podria ayudarme por favor? and they do. im a dork. right number right bldg, even had the right time, and this is tough cause its all double coded, in the schedule it will say like L/W 5
you gotta look that up, stand for lunes, miercoles( i think the w is to distinguish between the two ms or something) and the time listed as 5 is 1630 hasta 1720. or whatev. anyway so i had even got the time right, had figured out the business abt classes bleeding over from letras to geo next door. i had read the time that it actually was wrong..i looked at the computer saw that it was half past and freaked without doing enough math to figure out half past what.
so, long as i was there and in no rush i thank them profusely and ask about grades, they bring me the profesora (gracias a dios) she leans in and kisses my cheek, i get a little flustered cause i forget this happens here. not like she kissed me when i was her student. but now im not see? or not exactly. i dunno man, i aint figured it out but folks hella kiss here. i mean like you meet someone and the way you greet them isnt a handshake its a kiss. so im confused by her proximity i try to return this greeting in some perfunctory way, i try to return the sort of half hug that goes along with the kiss (god how i love the chilean way, im just not used to it yet) and end up just sort of clumsily putting one hand on her waist, im somehow both thrilled that i touched her, and that she let me touch her, and appalled that im so clumsy.
so she gives me back some assignments and tells me that someone told her they saw me on tv. which is true. they were filming the orientation i attended and this dude interviewed me after and i stumbled like an idiot and asked him to repeat each question at least once. heres hoping they edited that shit. so either she saw it or someone she knew, i wasnt getting it. she talk hella fast and make me real nervous...i keep wondering whats sposed to be subjunctive...and trying not to stare longinly..which can be tough..anyway so i got a good grade in the class, got kissed by natalia..and that was the highlight of my day.
...after that it was really cold, i got rained on, i was hungry, and didnt have enough time to go buscar for some food
then things went from bad to worse,i was sitting there sippin on a coffee outta a machine, yeah its crappy coffee but its not bad tasting, kinda like a cross bet coffee and cocoa, and its like 200 pesos, so thats like, i dunno, 40 cents.. and then one of the stray dogs that kicks it on campus tried to get freaky with me...
...this other dog was trying to fuck it (the first dog i mean) and it was trying to get away, and then starts its climbin on me like im a rescue its smelly ass or i dunno man, maybe it wanted a threesome...the dog starts to jump into my lap so im trying to push it away and the dog is drooling on my arm and then it starts fuckin biting me on my arm as i push it away, anyway i had gloves and its a small dog so it didnt hurt but im trying to come up with something in spanish that you can say to a smelly stray to make it go away (these mutts dont understand any english) and i got nothin so i just started yelling "fuck off!!! fuck off already" then i put down my coffee to get to me feet and get this fuckin stinky mutt off me and it goes for my coffee putting its nasty face all up in it and then leaping on my legs again, getting mud on the cutest shoes known to man as well as my lace patterned tan tights. so i tossed the coffee and went to class.
my only class today.
i mostly just sat there trying to understand everything that was being said, hoping that nobody wanted me to talk too much. cause when i did talk i managed to get my major wrong.. when the teacher asked me if i understood and i was like sure sure i do...
oh yeah. so in spanish im a fuckin deaf mute.

¿whatcha gonna do?

so now for the moment we have all been waiting for.....ladies and gents..

me gusta/no me gusta

me gusta:
chirimoyas (whatever the hell that is)
chilean cheek kisses
pisco sours
la profesora preciosa

no me gusta
rain
drizzle
cold
runny nose
people who get impatient with my broke ass spanish, and cut me off with the spanish equivalent of never mind, "no importa"