All You Need Is Love Bah bah da da da

woke this morning to find that someone had removed my t-shirt in the night and was now groping my tits...
realized this was actually me, and laughed a little bit..

just couldnt help yerself couldya i said to me...
well i dont blame you one bit...this is some grade-A beef..
i am indeed one fine speciman of a woman...i gloated a little and then snuggled up with myself to sleep for another 15 mins before the alarm hit...

thats right folks im back in babys arms

it was tough for a minute there..but really i just cant resist me..
i mean, have you met me? im funny, smart, cute as all hell...well...anyway the
same thing goes for the bread..

i would wake up at that godawful alarm and try to coax myself out of bed with talk of hot showers and breakfast, which is my favorite meal of the day..but i kept oversleeping last week, i would say pan integral y yogurt natural, gracias, pero voy a quedarme aqui...

i realized that i had gone a little too far in my quest to cut down on the carbs..i mean yeah obviously i shouldnt be eating white bread like three times a day, but the complete elimination of flavors from my yogurt and oatmeal plus the salty from my crackers and the white from my bread left me with very little that i actually wanted to eat....

and then there was the kid. i believe i said already that we spoke on the phone friday, and then i called him again on sunday and asked him to hang out, doing homework or something..and we did and it was ok. its good that i took the space i did to just deal with stuff and not have anyone else complicating it, and also it really erected some fuckin barriers which we needed desperately in terms of appropriately friendlike boundaries...but i think were ok...which makes me pretty happy cause i really missed the hell out of that little fucker

...i walked home through a night turned suddenly slightly cold and noticed the moon almost full through the blooming trees...maybe its all just a seasonal thing...

and as for Jeremias..jeez. miss him. tanto, como sabes jotito.

but i mostly cant let myself do that cause i think thats all i been doing for the past three weeks is a mixed up mess of missing him and missing the kid and missing me and my fam in the bay and its just too damn much cause i didnt come all this way to moon around all broken hearted
and...

so i am hitting yoga three times a week and have started my volunteer work helping out in an english class in a public school and am trying to read the latest novel for narrativa in spanish, although i am pretty fuzzy on deets its basically about tranny whores in some little podunky town...seems pretty fuckin cool to me..

one V or, as she known around here saucyrockstar called me up to fill me in on some deets from what shes up to and to sing me a song that she had written about me!!!

i been waiting like my whole life for my very own song by this particular artist, and finally the wait is over...

also a brief explanation as re casual kiss

the thing that i didnt say at the time to anyone else except i talked to ashley about it is that when he kissed me the t shirty kid what flashed through my mind was, somethings wrong, shouldnt he be a little broader in the shoulders and with softer lips, and thats when i realized that kissing this kid was an awful idea bc i literally wanted him to be someone else...and by this i mean a particular and specific someone else and i didnt so much wanna broadcast that widely at the time cause i was just in a pretty vulnerable place to really explain so i left it at casual kiss...but that isnt it really its..not just that it was casual or that i didnt actually want this kid or i wanted just to be distracted, all of which are true sino que it was literally like, yeah im kissing the wrong person here, bc im wishin this kid was someone else and that made me kinda sad and fucked up and strange and i had to just not do that anymore hopefully never again...

the dif is that ashley is my friend and one saucy sexy bitch and i wanted to kiss her since like the day we met, i mean seriously jeff you have seen pics, the curly hair the bedroom eyes.. and it isnt like im in love with her or something but she actually was the person i wanted to kiss at that particular time...
so i guess thats when my drunkness took over and revealed to the world that i have a crush on ashley...
not exactly a big surprise...

and i just wanna put out there that i have had so much love and support from so many people, and im just a total dork sometimes walking around feeling so sad and alone when lesha and adrian and maca, my roomies, have been checkin in and draggin my ass out on the town, ashley and jen have been around, cheets and jeff, even nacho and j have been checkin in via blog and email...and saucy wrote me a mothafuckin song!

thanks for showing my dumb ass that i actually have a huge and loving support group that stretches across mothafuckin time zones and the pacific...love to all...and kisses!!!! big slobbery wet sticky rubbin up on ya kisses fer those that want em, and zerbers and rasberries for those that dont.