fuckin chileans...

just to let yall know this is a dualescrito sorta entry i have the evil twin handy and will be using wondertwin powers to talk some mad shit as we are here at the good ole u para trabajar en un proyecto final...which is by the way the very last thing i have to avoid doing before this semester bites the dust....so here we go..

think nothing of callin yer ass at lets say...midnight, hasta like 2am on a weekday...midnight hasta 6am on the weekend

think nothin of wakin yer ass up para buscar some fuckin cigarillos at like 8am...

you prestar these bitches some dinero that shit goooooone....you aint seein that shit again...

i might have mentioned this before, but chilean time runs a half hour to an hour and a half later than you said to show up

every godamm chilean has a goddam dog

which is gauranteed to fucking loud as fuck bark its dumb ass off like every five minutes when a stray walks by, and to start howling in the mofuckin middle of the night...

chileans havent quite grasped the concept of the ice cube tray..so they never is ice in the freezer right? now maybe this is cause they dont wanna drink tap, i can feel that, but isnt it at least theoretically possible to fill an ice cube tray with filtered water?

so the deal is that a chilean does not show up for the preparty party at yer place which generally begins around midnight btw, but thats actually when like 3 peeps start kickin it waitin for the slow ass chileans to show, ok but my point was they dont show without pisco, coca cola, and ice. and if they do show up with lets say...beer...or pisco sour, they will immediately ask for two things, a glass, and some ice.....if you were to inform said chileans that there was no glass..there wouldnt really be a prob, theyd work that shit out, they clever these chileans...however...if one was to inform the chilean that there is no ice!!!! no ice, ¡¡¡¡¡que no hay hielo!!!!! oh shit baby....they fins to go nuts!!! they dont drink they piscola sin hielo, nosirrreeeeee!!!

yeah, thats gotta get worked out, they fuckin head for the store to buy frozen water....dunno.
and.
i grow weary of pisco...i tell you this, and i have switched to the brown bread and the panza remains and finnalllyyyyy i have figured out its origins...three clues,
its brown
its fizzy
its sweet

coca cola owns this country. i have never had so much fuckin coke in my life...i dont know if they bought the president or what but we all drink piscola all the fuckin time with the goddam coca cola making up half of the natl fuckin drink and i for one have had it...between the beer and the coke something has got to be done........

i have been having some issues with a certain fashion trend taken here to ridiculous extremes...the shirt, or skirt that clearly and obviously says wheeee im a pregnant fairy princess or alternatively look at me! im nancy kerrigan! look at me!!! i mean. seriously now.

what the fuck

they take the godawful polyester, they pattern it with loud flowerty shit, they put together several clashing versions of this crap add some swathes of lacey crap and end it all in a too long jaggedy seamed flippy in the wind sort of line and what do you have? pleasefortheloveofchristNOOOOOOOOOOO

oh its bad.

and they looooooooove some wheeeee im a fairy princess up in this bitch....as well as the ugly cousin, weeee im a pregnant shephardess....and then theres the proclivity for strapless tops, aka tube tops....it oughtta be a given that if yer top is tubelike its not a good thing....but alas...

i would say that chilean fashion, which tends to be boring as fuck fer dudes and waaaaaaay over the top fer chicks....with the occasional major victory in every category, takes polyester, fairy princess, and most of all sequins, to extremes so awful its awe inspiring....

i dont wanna just talk trash though...heres a few things chileans do extremely well


punk rock catholic schoolgirl

ice cream

business suits, seriously...they snazzy as fuck

indy boys (but they all like 20...sigh...)

hip hop chilena fuckin rocks no joke

salsa (duh)

fuck

shopping

shoes

Fuckin Kentucky...

first of all its an amazing thing the shit you do to avoid writing a paper...and when were talking about three papers and two presentations and a project and a short report...
well im a genius..
i cut my hair...like three seperate times actually..
braided new shit into it..
its a lil longer than chin not quite to my shoulders and pink...id take a pic but yall know i aint got no fuckin batteries up in my cam and no charger...
letsee...cleaned my room+messed it up again
did laundry but left it lying all over
ate a shit ton of junk food
did my "studying" in a bikini on the front lawn with snacks

my study group really takes the cake though...
first we ate a bunch of junk food...
then we made dinner
then we spent like two hours naming all the latin american countries and capitals...had to get help on that

then went for the fifty states and capitals of the us
freaked out when we realized we had only 49 states...called a friend with internet and begged them to help

went over a map over the phone with the friend...no go, sent them back to search for an alphebetized list so we could pick out the missing state...

it was fuckin kentucky which we musta said like a billion times throughout the night...i was singin songs to go with the states and capitals(new york new york, oklahoma, birmingham, north carolina, california, georgia.. ect)and lamenting the lack of a kentucky song...we musta said it like a zillion times and just didnt write that shit down...

so then i spent the whole next day writing papers...

have only one thing left and would be a very happy girl if my mp3 player hadnt just FUCKED ME UP THE ASS WITH A BIG PURPLE MONKEY DICK

things were going aight, it was actin a little odd...but functioning...then today in yoga we were relaxing when we heard a big explosion, all sat straight up..it was the second loudest explosion ive heard and the first was the bank thing...so whatev teach is like well, that was invigorating...rueful yoga man grin and quick namaste and i grab my shit to find that my playlist has been erased, and so have like a third of the artists listed in my files, and so have entire albums...just not there...showing up as .......... then the fucker stops functioning entirely which makes no goddam dif cause it already erased my shit and i got no backup no replacement no fucking music no nothing

so i dunno

also rather broke was hoping to travel a bit...electronic equipment costs a lot more here than it does there...

thinking about trading in south of chile and horseback riding for a cd player and some cds and begging all the kids with ipods and macs that hold all the music in case their shit fucking blows to make me cds..

cant live long without music...seriously

one thing i heard about (hint hint hint), somthing called media mail that lets you ship books and cds hella cheap...

so right now my plan is to change my travel plans, maybe find more volunteer work cause i was gonna do some early january before leaving for my big trip...and i was gonna travel a lil in diciembre...so maybe now instead i will do another volunteer thing, its a good way to get out of town cheap and i can like help build a house or something...

dunno...guess that means i kiss the electric toothbrush goodbye cause ill need a new battery charger too....

whats a girl gonna do? cant live without the tunes...sucks that nobody here has a collection like i got, or had that is...


ahem
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!

k.
i feel better.
going to see harry potter tonight!
yay!
send me music!!!!!!

or i will kick yer ass!!!

or you can send me money, if you want...

i fought the power (point that is)

and i won!!!

electric appliances in general remain my arch nemesis as i neglect poor sad little blog trying to finish final essays...

in electric appliance news...

theys this deal where some appliances got surge protectors and some can take a range from 110(usual states current) to 220 (everyfuckinwhereelse)

then theys the things that needs some conversion, not so tough you look at the numbers on the thing and you buys a corriente converter dude...

so things was fine until one day, halloween actually, ash plugged her curling iron into the convirticorrientethingamajiggy and there was a funny smell and a popping sound and i was like oh did that need a conversion or just the sockety prong converterthingy and shes like what?

she dont know nothing about no corrientes..i take a look and her shit runs on 100 to 200...but its still workin so i think nothing of it..

after that another roomy takes to borrowing the thing to use with her curling iron...
im like not even gonna ask why a chilean girl has a stateside curling iron, thing seems to be functioning so whatev...

so then its like shes had it for days and all my shit needsta get charged so i jack the sucker and plug in my shit...

nothing happens...no light, no charge..nothing..

i think the corrientecoversionecomosellama is broken so i buy a new one, plug in my shit..only to realize that due to somegoddamthing possibly having to do with curling irons or more probably with my own lack of brains, bad smell popping sound = dont take a fuckin chance replace that shit asap

instead i no longer have an electric toothbrush and a battery charger..

i came to terms with this sad fact when my mp3 player randomly stopped funcioning...i was like ohgodno i changed my mind i can live with feeling like i didnt really brush my teeth a mere five minutes ago or no batteries fer my camera...

well i let that sucker unwind and then recharged it, and its been working fine...but i dont trust that little fucker, i just know its going to break on me one of these days and i am working on some backup music plans (nothinsofarigot) just in case...

as for the oral b electric toothbrush, im a check cause i think i can get a new one here but its gonna be pricey...

but i did manage to set up my frickin presentation and speak eloquently in mofuckin spanish about urban art...

which rocked.

gotta jam. papers...my ass breakin down antipoesía in like 10 pages of intense theory shit...in spanish...thats right...theory, literature, spanish, me!!!

i can do anything i can do anything

you know youve gone native when...

every other sentence contains the word puta or huevón

you start putting po on every damn thing, como siiiipo, nooopo, no sé po

it begins to seem perfectly normal to put corn on salad

you start partying at like midnight

you party every frickin weekend

you can dance salsa without counting un dos tres the whole time

you find yourself con caña every saturday

you drop ssssses left and right como maa o meno and depue..

you can sing along with the reggaeton

you can sing along with the salsa

you can sing along with the chilean pop

you arrive everywhere (except class) anywhere from a half hour to an hour and a half late

most of your sentences begin with como.. or pues...or es que..

you drink only pisco and beer

you smoke belmont rojo o azul

you drink instant coffee

you eat bread for breakfast

you eat manjar in everything from pie and pastries to cookies, or worse yet spread it on yer bread in the morning

you refer to things that are good as bacán

you start fucking the natives

chilean computers strike again

so after the frustration of trying to convert this whole slideshow into powerpoint in spanish, with might i mention a different keyboard...so i will try that cheetstip but a lot of my problems stem from the fact that the usual does not always work and then theres the fact that everythings in spanish

well so it was sooooooo frustrating that i called up ashley and we decided to grab some beers with her boy nico and some chilean folks...

this led to a ridiculous wednesday night.

the very next morning, early...i headed to her place to utilize her offer, which included powerpoint in english and a pre made title page that she was very proud of...

like a moron i had spent the day before saving my zillion pics in appropriate order to the computadora at the corner place, so tru to fraggle form i did the same thing on ashleys computer only to experience MAC ATTACK!!!!! i have not even a crumb of a clue how to operate a pc beyond hitting the damn button again if it doesnt work the first time, but at least everything is familiar, yeah its fucked up more often than not but its a kind of fucked up im used to like a dysfunctional family and i know that makes bill gates my abusive daddy but shit baby i can take it...mostly he just fucks me by not showing up when i need him or not doing what he said hed do...shit could be far worse

so sleepy hungover me spends like an hour saving pics in appropriate order and then is unable for some mysterious reason to locate those fuckers...searching searching searching...find em at last with ashleys help having unwittingly created a subfolder inside the folder i thought i put em in...to the great dismay or all we were still unable to open, access, insert or even look at em...

this whole time ash was trying to work out a ten page paper for her geography class due the same day as her next big test and this is a class mind you, in which she has consistenly failed all the tests despite studying, which seems to be the case for nearly all the gringos in that class...

we are both nearly in tears with frustration when a marvelous idea flashes through my brilliant sleep deprived missing my foto class even as we speak fucked up lil hungover on a thursday brain

FUCK IT MAN LETS GO SHOPPING

so we head for the snail mall, aka alternamall...officially named dos caracoles, that is..two snails...cause it winds in circles and there are two interconnected sides..

and i got two really cute new skirts...

i realize that i am filling a place of emotional need with material things however its been working great in most ways except perhaps the most important...my budget is now truly fucked and i fear i will return home with shit tons of cool clothes, my credit card wiped out and a pile of dept and when people ask where i travelled i will sidetrack em quick with a, wanna see my pants??

stay tuned for the sequel, i miss my therapist or how the snailmall fucked me

heh heh heh

Fuckin chilean computers

ok so i was sposed to do this presentation fer my spanish class and i wanted to do a slideshow which is already set up online but nooooooooo
see its way tooo complicated to get online with a computer in the classroom...so now i have to try and turn a fuckin slideshow into a goddam powerpoint presentation which i have no idea how to fuckin do in the language i already speak

i just spent like three years saving all the pics i need to the friendly not my computer at the hotter than shit internet place on the corner where i cannot fuckin breathe and am about to have a motherfuckin asthma attack

only to find that i cant get to page 2

have pics have powerpoint but gots no idea in spanish what the hell im sposed to do to get to page 2

page 1 looks great...

so now its plan b where i skip that dumb photo class again for the like zillionth time and head to ashleys to try and do the whole thing on her computer so i can present tommorow in spanish class along with the paper i have yet to rewrite because i no longer give a fuck!!!


im soooooo over this shit.

seriously is it not summer yet? as yall may recall mine was cut in half and the part i got was basically working packing leaving the country
then the month of pre school spanish here
now the six classes

im fins to have a mofuckin breakdown if i dont get a gotdamn vacation soon

or im fins to kick someones ass or flake on some more classes or fuck up all my final papers or have an asthma attack...

gots to go drink a fuckin beer before i blow my lid...

so its time once again...

for a big fat me gusta/no me gusta list

there are a few things i forgot to mention that chile is fuckin rockin...besides the pants...but the pants, well the pants are good...
ima go home and bitches be like damn baby i dint know they make pants that would fit perfect on lil shrimpy you ima be like chilean jeans baby whatup

k
me gusta

the fact that a woman named michelle bachelet is running for president

that there are four candidates

that the current pres is socialist and lives like 6 blocks from me and has like one dude for security out front i know cause i seen that shit

whatup lagos, me gusta usted

cute babies

warm weather

the yummiest, creamiest, most delish honey i have ever tasted in my life

yoga en español
..at first my ass no catché nada but now its cool...

no me fuckin gusta gotdammit!!!!

so hot in the goddam metro a lady fainted yesterday and i was terrified tryin to remember the frickin compression to breath rates...not chiles fault but why they keep changin that shit?
just a hint, its hot as hell and still only spring, air conditioning maybe???

the fuckin bathroom sitch

heres the deal

while there are many many stalls there is only in each bathroom one dispenser of tp.

that means..
..if you need to poo or are on the rag you gots to just load up on tp right where everyone can see..
...and if that dispenser is out yo ass gots to find a whole new baño


that used to embarass the hell oughta me but now im like

Thats Right ima need a whole lotta papel higénico, cause i gots me a big ole northamerican ass and im fins to take a big ole northamerican shit...with corn!!!!!!!!!

and who puts fucking corn on fucking salad!!!!

what kinda sick shit is that!!!

and can we get some kinda goddam flavor up in this bitch???

somebody quick send me a burritto!!! im dying here...

speaking of which i gotta go take a shit, yesterday i literally had to hit 4 count em 4 bathrooms before i found one with tp and not being serviced....

fuckin chilean ass baños

uno mas

more halloween pics

whhhooooo

sorry im bein so tardy on the pics. used to have working if slow as fuckin hell computadora up in the house...
then the bitchy chilean roomate who apparently owns the moniter took the moniter and put it in her room so now we gots an even more decrepit old ass moniter that nobody has figured out how to make it work for more than a minute and is apparently even slower than the other one...
so i gots to go around the corner to pay for an old crappy slow ass internet or wait in line at school to get on
and im talkin slow
like 45mins to get those pics up
not a fuckin joke
used to be i could just upload pics at home and no big deal if it took all day cause id go make a snack
ive been in a terrible mood
also
probably part of why not writing so much...cranky crampy and bloated...
i got nothing to say that anybody wants to hear...
except

HOT NEIGHBOR+
+
more than one

im talkin regularly hot artsy people exiting the house next door or kickin it in the yard with shirt sleeves rolled up and bandanna on head while chiseling or sculpting away at some arty type thing cause it isnt actually a house its a studio space right and they make art there plus hot neighbors who arent really neighbors at all

and especially the big sculpting dude i have been trading glances with, not actually neighbors means that whole dont shit where you eat prohibition is off...

see the weather has been getting hot hot hot and its still only spring...getting so bright and hot i been wearing flip flops daily and homeboy been sculpting or chiseling or whatever outside all sweaty workin in the heat...yeah

thats all.

one of the three lil pigs gettin down

maca and lesha (my roomies)

pregnant ballerina siamese twins

yo

la ashley

blue dresses

it was a bad gringa week i tell you

all i can say is thank god it ended in two days of holiday and some major ridiculousness of costuming and halloween party...

monday of last week i set my alarm pero se me olvidó apagarla...well if you dont turn it on that shit dont work
so i slept through my first class..then i dragged my sad ass to school to study for a prueba the following day for a bullshit class, now lemme tellya just one thing about that

back home you got a bullshit class full of dumbass freshmans and with a bullshit teach and some bullshit lecture the least you can expect is bullshit readings and bullshit test..not here
nope. they gots standards to uphold. so my bullshit history of chilean photography class that i never go to anymore cause i can stand only so much of that teacher shouting mi amiga and making me one time i swear to fuckin god stand on a chair and fuckin demonstrate what a niña inocente looks like in a typical fotograph...im talkin this class puts the sheeeeeit in bullshit class...

but then the reading is all this intense theory shit like fuckin barthes on death and theater and fotos and the quiz is all about the reading...

gotta love it. so tuesday i drag my ass to class having just finished all the reading and take a quiz where i gotta write like 5 short essays and analyze a fuckin foto in latin terms that i dont even know what they mean from one of the readings...

that goes real goddam well

wednesday nother test for another bullshit class, se llama mujer y sociedad...but first my ass gets on a micro that says it goes to my school, but lies...instead of hitting some vicuña mackenna (i remember which bus to get on by humming to the tune of hakuna matata...like this vicuña mackenna thats the bus that i take..)

anyway this shit takes some crazy unexpected turn i never seen before and im forgot to mention sleepy and a little hung over cause my dumb ass went out for drinks after finishing all the reading for mujer y sociedad cause i never attend that either...i mean, i have six mofuckin classes...cant asist every last one now can i?

so i darme some fuckin cuenta that i aint seen nothin familiar in a while as i reach the very asshole of buttfuck nowhere...

i was gonna just make it to the class that is difficult, important to attend, that i try to never miss and that i slept through on monday...
instead i find myself getting off the bus en la chucha del mundo and asking people like a dumbass donde estamos?? and walking my sorry ass back even though they kept tellin me when i stopped for directions back to my campus that i should take a micro cause its far, i wa like...man thats how i got into this mess

so then i gotta write like 4 short essays about a bunch of wacked out short stories having something to do with sex and death and motherhood and incest as far as i could tell....

yeah that went real well..

thursday
skipped the dumb foto class, after all i had just attended that sucker, studied instead for yet another prueba this one in spanish and all about all that fuckin connectory shit...which i never get..

just before class im thinkin im pretty cool on everything when someone makes me laugh and i choke on a mouthful of rocklets and coffee, then cause i forgot allergy meds and cant breathe anyway i start to have an asthma attack...this isnt good...i turn purple, spit out the rocklets, drink some water, manage to take a deep breath and convince myself that no i am not going to have an asthma attack cause my inhaler is at home and i need to go take a test...

my poor dumb brain deprived for just a little bit of oxygen, does not function...its beyond not being able to determine which of those little connecty fuckers are prepositions and which are adverbial phrases and which conjunctions...no man im thinkin, are they even words? why are they squirming around on the page like that...

i do my best..which isnt too good

then i have to write yet another mofuckin essay in fuckin spanish...i cant think about any of the given topics so i write a little about choking on rocklets right before class y por lo tanto use the most connecty fuckers i can as i relate the story of why i cant make my brain function well enough to write an essay or do any better on the test

which i clearly bombed

friday. better, but not much...went to my volunteer thing after school, couldnt find the teacher i was sposed to work with, got sent to the wrong room twice before being informed that she was out that day...and there wasnt anyone else who needed my help and i might as well just go...

it was also a shitty spanish day where i could barely speak and only vaguely comprehend what anyone said...

so i just said fuck it

went home.
didnt even go out that night...long weekend ok...recuperated...slept...laid in sun..became somewhat more better...

monday. headed to school. sure that we had tuesday off, but school on monday cause somebody said so.

even though everybody else said no we got both days off...

those people were right.

no school.
met up with ash to search for schoolgirl outfits...walked our asses off from wrong addy we got online to an actual place where they sell uniforms of all sorts like ten blocks down vicuña mac from where we started. which turned out to be closed.

turned around.
went to snail mall...wandered about. tried on a bunch of shit that didnt work for me..finally agreed on lovely blue sparkly dresses and searched in vain for glitter of which there seems to be none in the entire fuckin country. going to write to the pres about this. i tell you what. aint no way to run a gotdamn country... seriously the only glitter we found was in the mac section of an expensive dept store...and even that was not loose glitter but glittery eyeliner too expensive for two girls who spent waaaaaaay too much on spangly blue lowcut ridiculous dresses and were trying desperately to come up with an excuse for them as costume, like lots a glitter and we coulda said we was mermaids or something...but no

false eyelashes tampoco...

couldnt believe my dumb ass came into this country with not even one part of all the ridiculous costumy crap makeup facepaint glitter wigs sparkly hotpants boots feather boas that i left at home....what a fool...

so finally i said well, if we were with gangsters wed be molls, kinda glam but dont need glitter so we decided to talk a few boys into being gangsters so we cd be guys and dolls...dudes kept tryin to get pimp on making us pimps and hoes instead...
really we looked like nothing so much as vegas showgirls
...these was some ridiculous dresses...
but it was fun..party was nuts..then yesterday i slept all day..today actually made it to that fuckin class...things lookin up...